Favorite Ari Gold Quotes
You have three kids from three different men. You've slept with everyone's ex.
I did play a little [football] in high school. I was pretty good for a Jew.
Random Fan: Down in front!
Ari: I payed two grand for these seats. I'll get out there and launch a three if I want
What if I told you I had a 22 inch cock? Would that be something that you would be interested in?
Baby, the kid is melting down like Phil Mickelson at Winged Foot. I can't abandon a brother in peril, not on the high holidays
I parted the red sea for you E., don't piss on the sand
Mrs. Gold: My father put that money aside for me incase something happened to us and its almost gone.
Ari: But we're still here! And I could have banged Heidi Klum when she was 23, but I took a pass. What the fuck is gonna make me leave now?
Mrs. Gold: You could die.
Ari: You'd like that wouldn't you?
Mrs. Gold: Not until I saw that the life insurance check didn't bounce
Lloyd: How'd it go?
Ari: How'd the fucking Bay of Pigs go, Lloyd?
Lloyd pack up all my files. Pile everything you see into a box. Everything! You see a used condom, an executioners mask, and a goddamned spiked paddle don't think just pack that bitch. Chop Suey!
Ari: From now on ask my permission before you bang one of my assistants.
Eric: How'd you know that?
Ari: 'Cause I know all. And I could have told you that this would end badly. Now I gotta go fire her so you don't feel weird.
Eric: No. Don't fire her.
Ari: All right. Well, I'll just sexually harass her until she quits.
Ari: The gym, Lloyd! The fucking gym!
Lloyd: It's pretty urgent.
Ari: It's pretty urgent that in the 15 minutes a day I have free, I take the time to keep this body fit. And not just so you have a great ass to look at, I want to live!
We may be whores at my agency, but we ain't pimps
