Favorite Barney Stinson Quotes
Marshall: You know what, Doug, I will gladly pay. And you know why? Cause that's what grown-ups do! They pay for their drinks and they don't get into fights. You know what I was doing while you guys were out there being immature? I tell you what I was doing...
Barney: ...your nails?!
Marshall: Haha, No, I was doing...
Ted: ...a relationship-quiz in this month's Cosmo?!
Marshall: No, I was doing...
Barney: Your best not to cry when Big came back for Carrie at the end of the Sex and the City movie?!
Robin: Well, it looks like it's gonna be just you and me.
Barney: Really?
Robin: Actually, I was talking to my martini
Magic phone guys - magic phone.
Robin: No. I thought we're just hanging out as friends.
Barney: Oh, come on. You've been throwing yourself at me all night.
Robin: What? I did the opposite, I threw some other girl at you.
Barney: You invited me up to your apartment to play Battleship. Is that not an international recognized term for sex?
Ted: Yes, on Saturday, after a little wine and a little dancing...
Barney: Alright, they better be making a new gender, because I'm revoking your dude license.
Ted: Yeah, how was that manicure yesterday?
Barney: Invigorating, thanks
Lily [to Marshall]: Hey you want to go do it in Barney's childhood bed again?
Barney: My race car bed?
Marshall: It handles great buddy
Don't beat yourself up. He'll be fine. I mean, the guy's like a billionaire. He can put his platinum card on a fishing line and win ten chicks hotter than you
Barney: Ted, please tell me you're not impugning emotional baggage.
Ted: Baggage is good?
Barney: Emotional baggage is the bedrock of America's most important cultural export.
Robin: Porn?
Barney: Actually, it's porn.
I mean seriously, Claudia and Stuart? I mean I have hooked up with the odd lass who is beneath my level of attractiveness... but... you know I was drunk. There is no way Claudia has been drunk for three years
Zha Zha Gabor still looks good.
Ted [about sleeping with Robin]: By the way, my mother is coming to visit next week. Maybe you would like to nail her too!?
Barney: Are you saying you don't want to be bros anymore?
Ted: I'm saying I don't want to be friends anymore
Ted: Hey Barney, I'm get rid of some of my old stuff; do you want my X-Box?
Barney: [gasps in horror] She has a name, Ted! Just what are you accusing me of?
Ted: Uh, liking video games
