Favorite Barney Stinson Quotes
Suit like that only needs one button, self destruct.
(about picking world peace over his suits) I'm gonna stop you right there. It's the suits. Come on, Lily, get your head out of your ass.
Ted: Uh Barney who's taller, me or you?
Barney: You're taller, I wear lifts in all my shoes.
Whatever girl I'm pointing to right now - I am going home with her tonight.
Thanks Jim, I couldn't have done it without my teammates.
Barney: I need you to help me pick the suit I'm gonna wear when I walk down the aisle.
Ted: Ok, Robin walks down the aisle you wait at the end of it.
Barney: Ok then the suit I'll be wearing when they all stand as I enter the chapel.
Ted: Also her.
Is it weird to get married in a suit that you may have worn while banging a female rodeo clown? I know what you're wondering. Yes the carpet matched the drapes.
Ted: She walks down the aisle. You say your vows, you go to the reception, you have your first dance. Before you know it, just like magic, you realize, it's a perfect fit.
Barney: You're right Ted, this is the one.
Ted: I should just skip this thing entirely. Robin is still pissed at me after, you know.
Barney: You lied and said you were broken up with Victoria before you actually were, so you could try and nail Robin and you end up losing both girls in one night.
Ted: Yes, that's what I meant by "you know".
Barney: We'll just sneak in.
Marshall: We are not sneaking in to a high school prom.
Lily: Yes we are, it's the only way.
Ted: You are getting on board with Barney's idea? Man, you really have snapped
Barney: That's adorable Ted. You're such a hayseed. The companionship business is the growth industry of the 21st century. You do realize that 1 out of every 8 adult women in America is a prostitute.
Marshall: Dude you just made that up.
Barney: Withdrawn.
Marshall: Lawyered!
Robin: I never got to go to my prom; we always had field hockey nationals in the spring.
Barney [coughs and then waits to say]: Lesbian!
Robin: The cough was supposed to cover the lesbian.
Barney: No, I'm trying to start a thing where the cough is separate
