How I Met Your Mother

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Barney Stinson Quotes (Page 26)

Season 5, Episode 8: "The Playbook"

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 5, Episode 7: "The Rough Patch"

Barney: We both like scotch. We're both awesome.
Robin: Maybe that's the problem. Maybe there's just too much awesome here.
Barney: Yes. Two awesomes cancel each other out. I'm tired of being canceled out.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robin: Neil Young is a Canadian treasure. DO NOT make fun of Neil Young.
Barney: Robin, I would never make fun of a defenseless old lady with vocal cord paralysis.
• Rating: 4.1 / 5.0

Barney: You know what they say about relationships. Every waking moment's a battle.
• Rating: Unrated

Barney: Sorry Ted. I'm my own wing man tonight.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Open it open it open it open it! It's my porn collection. Wait, no it's not. That would be weird.
Ted: It's your porn collection.
Barney: It's my porn collection!
• Rating: Unrated

Robin: We watched a movie last night
Barney: It was legen... wait for it... gends of the fall. Not that good.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: He's not a doll, he's a storm trooper
Robin: Then why's he wearing a diaper?
Barney: That's not a diaper, that's protective armor
Robin: More like storm pooper
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney [prerecored on porn tape]: Hello, Ted. If you're watching this tape, and I knew you'd pick this one, you're now in posession of my porn. And this can only mean one of two things: either I'm dead or I'm in a committed relationship. If I'm dead I want you to honor my memory by taking my body to the Hamptons and recreate Weekend at Bernies. I want to dance, go fishing, and I want to have sex with a girl. If on the other hand I'm in a committed relationship, as your best friend I have only one request... for the love of god get me out of it
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0