Barney Stinson Quotes
Barney: Here it is: Acrobats from Montreal, they're super flexible. We are gonna get Cirque-du-So-laid. What uppppp?
- Permalink: Acrobats from Montreal, they're super flexible. We are gonna get...
Ted, my boy...It's gonna be legen...wait for it...[credits roll]
- Permalink: Ted, my boy...It's gonna be legen...wait for it...
The bride would like the tension out of my shoulders, and she'd like... lets say, you in the inappropriately short dress to rub them
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Barney: May I have everybody's attention...
[Everyone ignores Barney]
Barney: It's for the bride.
[Everyone stops talking and turns towards Barney]
- Permalink: May I have everybody's attention... It's for the bride.
Barney [talking to Lily in San Francisco]: Yeah, yeah, yeah... Barney what are you doing here...I can't believe it's really you...Come in, have a seat...You want some tea...I know the apartment's small but I don't need much space... let me show you some of my paintings...I think it's some of my best work ever. JUST STOP IT! Lily, you have to come home. You and Marshall belong together. The two of you have something most people search their whole lives for and never find. I know you love him and if you knew what he was going through right now you wouldn't be here for one more second. I bought you a ticket home. Marshall is one of the best people I know and it won't be long until someone else realizes that and you will lose him forever. I can't stand the thought of that happening and I cannot keep stealing chicks from him forever. Never ever tell anyone I was here, I will deny it tooth and nail; this trip never happened. (Barney slams the door behind him.)
Barney [opens Lily's door again]: Hey, if you had three hours to kill before your flight, what would you do... Alcatraz or Fisherman's Wharf
- Permalink: Yeah, yeah, yeah... Barney what are you doing here...I can't bel...
Barney: Alright, fine, the stripper at Stewart's Bachelor Party was a 15.
Ted: She was 15?!?!
Barney: A 15...like in blackjack.
Ted: As in, not sure whether you'd hit it?
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Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
Ted: It was never your truck.
Barney: if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
Ted: It was a rental.
Barney: Number ten, "The Winne-Bango." Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck." Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her." Number seven, "The You Scream Truck." You Scream. (they all laugh) Number six, "Feels on Wheels!" Hello! Number five, "The Ride Her Truck." Number four, "The 18-Squeeler." Number three, "The Esca-Laid." Number two, "The Slam-Boney." and... the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back... "The '69 Chevy."
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Barney: This isn't Barney. ...but I hear that guy's awesome. All right. Listen very carefully. You will get your stuff back if you are able to complete a series of challenges. Number one, put on the suit. Number two, meet me at MacLaren's in an hour.
Ted: How will I know who to look for since we've never met?
Barney: ...I look like Barney.
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Robin: Eight Flights of Stairs. Who puts a theater up 8 flights of stairs? What kind of building is this?
Barney: Well from the smell of it, a Urine Factory
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