How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
Try it Now for Free and Instantly Watch How I Met Your Mother.

Barney: Ted, get in the cab. Marshall, you too.
Marshall: Uh I wish I could but I think me and Lily...
Barney: I understand. [to Ted] Come on!
Ted: Why can Marshall say no?
Barney: Uhh, because he's getting laid.
Marshall: Consistently

Barney: Now, Ted, you can either put the bags on the carousel, or you can wait and listen to me give you a really long speech convincing you to put the bags on the carousel.
[Ted doesn't move]
Barney: ...Ted, since the dawn of time, Man has struggled...
[Ted takes the bags and puts them on the carousel]

Ted: If you want to go lick the Liberty Bell, just go lick it yourself.
Barney: No, it has to be the two of us.
Ted: Why? Why do you need me?
Barney: Because you're my best friend, all right? You don't have to tell me I'm yours. But the way I see it, we're a team. Without you, I'm just the dynamic uno

Ted: Barney, I am going to kill you.
Barney: Don't say you're gonna kill someone in front of airport security. Not cool

It's going to be legen...wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is...dairy!

Barney: This is so lame.
Ted: Lame . . . or casual?
Barney: Lame.
Ted: . . . or casual?

The girl from last night, I took her back to my place, then this morning spun her around a couple of times and sent her walking. She'll never find her way back and there she is!

Barney: What does Carlos have that I don't?
Robin: A date tonight?
Lily: Ooh, stop the tape, rewind, play it again!
Robin: [makes rewind sound] A date tonight?
Barney: I'm not sure I like her

Barney: Ted, let's rap. Statistics: At every New York party there is always a girl who has no idea whose party she's at. She knows no one you know, and you will never see her again. Do you see... where I'm going... with this?

Barney: So, it's over between me and... Works-with-Carlos girl.
Ted: Whoa, that was fast.
Barney: Yeah. I was trying to think, "What's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met?"
[flashback to about 5 seconds ago]
Barney: I think I'm in love with you.
Works-with-Carlos Girl: What?
[back in the present]
Barney: Thanks, bro!
Ted: Glad I could help

Random Girl: Hello, Barney.
Barney: Of course...
Random Girl: You look well. Isn't it weird they invited both of us?
Barney: Who? Who invited you, no one even knows who you are!
Random Girl: I understand, you're hurt, but... you don't have to be cruel. Carlos was right about you.
Barney: Who Is Carlos!?

Barney: Hi, have you met Ted?
Girl - Works With Carlos Girl: No.
Barney: Do you know Marshall? Lily?
Random Girl: No.
Barney: Hmm. Do you know anyone at this party?
Random Girl: I work with Carlos.
Barney: Excuse me.
Barney [to Ted, Lily, Marshall]: Anybody know a Carlos?
[they shake their heads]
Barney: On a silver platter

Displaying quotes 637 - 648 of 657 in total

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney
× Close Ad