Favorite Bob Kelso Quotes
Dr. Kelso: There are no magical fixes. It's all up to you. So get up off your keester, get out of here and go start doing the work.
Ms. Goldman: What if it's too hard?
Turk: Yeah. What if it's too hard?
Dr. Kelso: Turkelton, I have no idea why you're chiming in, but I'll say this to both of you. Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.
Turk: I gotta go.
Dr. Cox: They hate you Bob. They hate you from the bottom of your hooves to the tip of your pitchfork. They hate you, by god, they hate you!
Dr. Kelso: What are you laughing at?
Laverne: That hooves and pitchforks part
Hey champ. What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso. How ya doin'?
Dr. Kelso
Elliot: J.D. was sitting in that exact chair when we had our third kiss
Kelso: Oh that is very romantic, I will try not to drill any more farts into it
Kelso: Dr. Reid, when did you become homeless?
Elliot: These are just my cookie pants
Kelso: These are my muffin pants. I've been wearing them since I retired
Elliot: Uh, Dr. Kelso! You're the Chief of Medicine, is there a special way to communicate with the nursing staff that I'm not getting?
Dr. Kelso: Well, uh, sugar won't work because they're already so sweet. Now, listen Dr...Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is, you tattled yesterday, I responded - I feel closer to you than ever, really - but the ramifications are yours. So don't try to drag me into your pathetic, whiny, little squabble with that God-awful bunch of malcontents. I hope you all kill each other! Have a great day, ladies
Ted: Okay, gang! Before we begin, Dr. Kelso wants me to remind you of the legal ramifications of all your teensy snafus.
Dr. Kelso: "Teensy snafus"?!? Good God, Ted, it's not a Dr. Seuss story! Now, listen up, nametags! Over fifty percent of our lawsuits can be traced back to poor patient-doctor communication. To that end, if any of you still feel the need to flap your babble holes, you will be joining me in my new daily seminar on doctor-patient relations. My first invitee will be Dr. Murphy, whom I recently overheard telling someone, "Stop bleeding, stop bleeding, oh, God, please stop bleeding."
J.D. [about Cole's mother]: You're gonna hit that, aren't you?
Kelso: Like a big rig with no breaks.
Carla: Who left this urine here?
Dr. Cox: Someone's got a secret admirer!
Carla: Dr. Kelso? Someone left this urine specimen sitting around. What's interesting is that the name tag's been ripped right off.
Dr. Kelso: Sweetheart, I think you're confusing interesting with boring.
Dr. Kelso: (on the phone) Darling, I wanna say something. For the past 25 years, we've been going through the motions - once every couple of weeks we have sex, and then we have breakfast without saying a word. Well, tonight, I want you to put on a nice dress, because I'm gonna take you to dinner and I'm gonna start telling you all the things I haven't taken the time to say all these years... I love you, too.
Ted: That was...beautiful, sir!
Dr. Kelso: Thanks, Ted. Call my wife, tell her I won't be home tonight.
Ted: Is this heaven?
Janitor: It's garbage.
Randall: Way to cost us a cherry gig, bra.
Ted: Wha?
Dr. Kelso: I want my money back! And Ted! Shower and get back to work!
(About getting an earring)
Dr. Kelso: It's a hip-hop world son, keep up or get out of the way.
J.D.: I gotta get an earring.
