Bob Kelso Quotes
Dr. Kelso: How old do you think I am, Dorian?
J.D.'s narration: Okay, there's no way to answer that and not get in trouble. Change the subject.
J.D.: Sir, I would be honored if you and Enid would join me at my place on Sunday for some homemade jumbalaya.
Dr. Kelso: Well, it would be good for Enid to get out of the house...
J.D.'s narration: Oh my god, he's actually thinking about it! Change the subject back!
J.D.: You're 78, sir.
Dr. Kelso: You think I'm that old?
J.D.: Jumbalaya.
Elliot: My high school boyfriend's an accountant now, and he still does my taxes for free.
Jordan: Mm-hmm.
Elliot: You know what's weird? He also does my brother Barry's.
Dr. Kelso: My son, Harrison, dabbles in sado-masochism and he has a new gimp named Barry. Or is it Larry? At my age, it's getting harder and harder to keep track of his gimps.
Dr. Cox: Everyone, this is my sister, Paige. Paige, I'd like you to meet random people I don't care about.
Dr. Kelso: Ahh! Here for the baptism! I remember my son Harrison's big day. All of us laughing at him in his frilly little baptism dress. Heh. Well, we're not laughing anymore. Harrison's a poofter... Bob Kelso.
J.D.'s Narration: And, finally, Dr. Kelso's 9 A.M. wrong shoulder tap.
(J.D. taps Dr. Kelso on the opposite shoulder as he walks past.)
Dr. Kelso: Dammit! Every morning, tapping - no one's ever there!
Dr. Kelso: Thank you, Colonel Doctor.
Colonel Doctor: Excuse me?
Dr. Kelso: I'm sorry, I don't know your name, and you look like that Kentucky Fried Chicken guy.
Dr. Kelso: This Friday I am receiving an award from the AMA..
Dr. Cox (interrupting him): Jerk-off of the year.. no.. bastard of the year.. don't you tell me.. "Guy I despise so much I'd pay someone to kill you and stuff you and leave you by my bed so that when I wake up in the morning I gotto roll over and punch you in the face"... of the year.
Ted: Gather round, people! Dr. Kelso has an announcement to make!
Dr. Kelso: That'll be all, Ted. You can go back to doing whatever you were doing.
Ted: It was my day off.
J.D.'s Narration: I know if I just follow Dr. Kelso around for a while, he'll eventually do something decent. I'm a master of stealth, I can sneak up on anybody.
Dr. Kelso: Why are you following me?
J.D.: Sir, aren't you being a little paranoid?
Dr. Kelso: I was in 'Nam, you know. They pulled off my fingernails.
Listen up, bozos. That gentleman over there is basically a cash piata waiting to be whacked open. So how about someone diagnoses him so I can get my candy?
Dr. Kelso
Dr. Cox: Anyway, I just wanted to introduce you to our Chief of Medicine.
Mr. Morrison: Sir, I can't tell you how well everyone's treating me.
Dr. Kelso: That's what we're here for!
Dr. Cox: You, uh, you forgot to tell him you were bumping him from the drug trial.
Dr. Kelso: I've got work to do, Perry.
Due to lack of funds, I'm shutting down our babymobile, which means there will no longer be free prenatal care for underprivileged women. Bottom line - if you're thinking about knocking up a homeless gal, I'd do it this weekend.
Dr. Kelso
(About getting an earring)
Dr. Kelso: It's a hip-hop world son, keep up or get out of the way.
J.D.: I gotta get an earring.
