Bob Kelso Quotes
Dr. Kelso: You're gonna love it here, sport.
Ted: Get out while you still can.
Keith: Uh...
Ted: Seriously, get out while you still can.
Dr. Kelso: Well, at least there's one attending around here I can count on.
Elliot: Ah, the hell with it, Bob. I don't work here! Have a good one!
Dr. Kelso: I hate this place
Dr. Cox: And it hates you, Bob.
Dr. Kelso: But now I need to know: Is this the type of attending you're going to be?
J.D.: I guess so.
Dr. Kelso: Anything else?
J.D.'s Narration: I could tell him there's nothing in my cup and I'm just pretending to drink to seem nonchalant...
J.D.: No.
Dr. Cox: You see, the woman is everywhere! She's there when I work out in the morning, when I work out in the car on the way to work, and when I work out when I get to work. I can't seem to get away from her, and that used to be fine when she just came round for five minutes every month or so to fed on my dignity, but now! I'd honestly kill myself Bob, if I wasn't convinced that Jordan wouldn't already be there, waiting for me in the afterlife! You see, typical of her, she went ahead and signed us up for an eternal tandem bike ride, all along the banks of the river Styx!
Dr. Kelso: I'm so glad you shared.
Dr. Cox: Whoa! Bob Kelso here before noon? They're either giving away free doughnuts at the caf, or there's an Asian prostitute convention in the I.C.U.!
Dr. Kelso: Is now the time I'm supposed to be embarrassed because I like fine food and Korean call girls? Write this down, Perry: I'm old and I honestly don't care what people think about anything I do.
Dr. Kelso: How would you like to make this a full-time job?
Jordan: I'll have to think about it!
Dr. Cox stares incredulously at Kelso
Dr. Kelso: How could you not see this coming?
Dr. Kelso: Harrison posted his first profit this quarter.
Dr. Cox: Aces. And I'm guessing that's because his significant other...
Dr. Kelso: Terrence.
Dr. Cox: Terrence doesn't follow him around the shop all day telling him just exactly what color is "in" this season or showing all of the other employees that he is not in fact the boss of his own life.
Dr. Kelso: Welcome aboard! This will be your office for the next few days! Ted, find someplace else to work.
Ted: Aw, man! Not again!
Dr. Kelso: No, I'm here because the budget's a mess. Ted's not making much headway.
Ted: Three-twelve times four-eighty-one equals... Sir, it's not giving me the answer!
Dr. Kelso: It's a typewriter, you jackass!
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Murphy, I'd have more sympathy if this were the first time you broke both your feet working in the morgue.
Doug: Sir, it's like those corpses are out to get me!
Dr. Kelso: Heh! If only.
Turk: What's the sex like?
Elliot: What makes you think that I have slept with him?
Dr. Kelso: For starters, you've known him more than ten minutes.
Elliot: Do you guys have any other ideas?
J.D.: You know what, I really don't have time to be dealing with your little sex pickle.
Dr. Kelso: Really? She spent two years dealing with yours.
