Cougar Town

Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBS
Cougar town
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Bobby: Oh I wish I could be in your mouth.
Travis: Dad!

If it's any constellation that hat was so big you could probably make a thousand tiny ones.

Jules: All together now -
Everyone: If it's on the internet, it must be true!
Jules: Exactly now, everyone sip please.
Travis: Afternoon booze bags. What are we celebrating now?
Jules: Science.

Bobby: I trained him to retrieve golf balls by painting the meatballs white.
Smith's dad: That is the greatest thing I've ever seen.

Jules: Wine in the morning on the weekends. Lets all think about it people.
Bobby: Think about what?
Grayson: Morning drinking.

Bobby: When your mom and I were married, I cheated on her.
Travis: What? No! Wait. What? Let me pick something off the floor, my jaw.
Bobby: You know?
Jules Everyone knows. The guy at the pizza place would say two medium pepperonis and you deserve better.
Travis: I figured it out when you gave me lollipop not to tell mom when you were taking a bath with a Native American.

Bobby: You need to get place with there's no sexual desire left whatsoever.
Andy: I can probably do that, if I spend a little a private time with you know myself.
Bobby: There's nothing wrong with making shower babies. It's not a sin if you're doing it for love.

Grayson [referring to Bobby's toaster]: Does this work?
Bobby: It works as a container for envelopes and if you put it on a plate, it makes a good prop toaster

Jules: We all have our embarrassing family members.
Bobby [walks in]: Hello! That wasn't a coincidence, I was out back waiting for an entrance line.

Ellie: How are you not embarrassed?
Bobby: Sorry Ellie, can't be done.
Andy: It's true, this is the guy who's main goal in life is to party so hard he craps his pants in every country.
Bobby: I already knocked off America and Mexico. Mexico was easy.

Ellie: We are not friends, human beings cannot be friends with chimps
Bobby: Sure they can. My buddy Daryl was best friends with his chimp, Binky.
Jules: It's true. Until Binky turned six and then he get angry one day and ripped of Daryl's arm.
Bobby: They're still friends, they're just not best friends.

Bobby: What up reading glasses? What'd you get those for your 1000th birthday?
Ellie: You are the only one that finds my deteriorating eyesight amusing.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 66 in total

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Grayson: Shall we?
Jules: Indeed!