Bobby: Oh I wish I could be in your mouth.
Travis: Dad!

If it's any constellation that hat was so big you could probably make a thousand tiny ones.

Jules: All together now -
Everyone: If it's on the internet, it must be true!
Jules: Exactly now, everyone sip please.
Travis: Afternoon booze bags. What are we celebrating now?
Jules: Science.

Bobby: I trained him to retrieve golf balls by painting the meatballs white.
Smith's dad: That is the greatest thing I've ever seen.

Jules: Wine in the morning on the weekends. Lets all think about it people.
Bobby: Think about what?
Grayson: Morning drinking.

Bobby: When your mom and I were married, I cheated on her.
Travis: What? No! Wait. What? Let me pick something off the floor, my jaw.
Bobby: You know?
Jules Everyone knows. The guy at the pizza place would say two medium pepperonis and you deserve better.
Travis: I figured it out when you gave me lollipop not to tell mom when you were taking a bath with a Native American.

Bobby: You need to get place with there's no sexual desire left whatsoever.
Andy: I can probably do that, if I spend a little a private time with you know myself.
Bobby: There's nothing wrong with making shower babies. It's not a sin if you're doing it for love.

Grayson [referring to Bobby's toaster]: Does this work?
Bobby: It works as a container for envelopes and if you put it on a plate, it makes a good prop toaster

Jules: We all have our embarrassing family members.
Bobby [walks in]: Hello! That wasn't a coincidence, I was out back waiting for an entrance line.

Ellie: How are you not embarrassed?
Bobby: Sorry Ellie, can't be done.
Andy: It's true, this is the guy who's main goal in life is to party so hard he craps his pants in every country.
Bobby: I already knocked off America and Mexico. Mexico was easy.

Ellie: We are not friends, human beings cannot be friends with chimps
Bobby: Sure they can. My buddy Daryl was best friends with his chimp, Binky.
Jules: It's true. Until Binky turned six and then he get angry one day and ripped of Daryl's arm.
Bobby: They're still friends, they're just not best friends.

Bobby: What up reading glasses? What'd you get those for your 1000th birthday?
Ellie: You are the only one that finds my deteriorating eyesight amusing.

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Ellie, I saw Andy's feet...I'm so sorry.
Ellie: No one understands.

Take OFF the mom goggles!

Laurie