Bobby: You know how old I was the first time I got really drunk?
Travis: I dunno, nine?
Bobby: Trick question. Never been really drunk. I have got a monster tolerance. The point is...
Travis: No dad, there is no point to that story.
Bobby: Okay, the completely new thought is...

Bobby: Look at this office! If I ever sold my boat I could live here.
Andy: No.

I put you in beer can jail for partying too hard.

Bobby: Come on man, it's time to start living like you have a mustache.
Grayson: Now that's gibberish.
Andy: No, it's not. It means I have to ask myself the ultimate question, what would Burt Reynolds do?

I'm not quite sure how I feel about Jules. It's a lot like soccer in that way.

Jules: Wow, it' my first very golf cart ride of shame.
Bobby: It's not that bad, just pretend like you're coming home from a ball or something.
Jules: Yeah, I'm Cinderella.

Bobby: I'm going through stuff too. They're repaving the parking lot where I keep my boat so I'm going to have to move. It's time like this I wish I had my own parking lot.
Jules: Really? That's what you wish for?

Bobby: You get a tiny leak in a dam, you gotta plug it up real quick or you'll be in a car with no breaks traveling down trouble highway.
Grayson: Wait, is the highway flooded? Where is this dam? You are mixing metaphors like a crazy person.
Bobby: My mom says I'm colorful.

Bobby: Come on T-bone, you can take my ride.
Travis: You know putting golf cart keys on a Ferrari keychain doesn't make it a Ferrari?
Bobby: I was being ironic.

Bobby: The paint can game is the greatest thing I've ever created in my life.
Travis: And thank you dad.

It's been awhile since I wore a tie, I keep thinking someone's trying to strangle me.

Bobby: When I was married, you know what Jules said to me?
Grayson: Please stop sleeping with other women?

Cougar Town Quotes

Welcome to Cougar Town. Your name isn't that great either.

Title Card

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.