Bree Hodge Quotes
(Bree and Orson are leaving to go find Andrew. Orson has only just found out Bree left him on the side of the road)
Danielle: You know, Andrew is not the only one having a rough year. I'm the one whose boyfriend got shot right in front of her.
(Orson looks at Bree stunned)
Bree: (to Orson) We'll... talk in the car.
Bree: Some reporter. All she could tell me was what neighborhood they found him in. They don't have any contact information, no phone number, no address.
Orson: If he had an address, he would not be homeless.
(In the bride's room, after Susan, Lynette and Gabrielle shared their concerns - regarding Orson - with Bree)
Bree: He did not hack her up and dissolve the pieces in acid!
Gabrielle: I said it was a theory.
Lynette: The point is, Alma disappeared under very suspicious circumstances.
Bree: I don't have time for this. I'm getting married now.
Susan: This is your day. You can push the ceremony back an hour. Now get that detective on the phone, talk things out with Orson.
Bree: I can't talk to Orson. It's bad luck for the groom to see
the bride before the wedding.
Lynette: You know what's really bad luck? Marrying a wife-killer.
(Susan, Lynette and Gabrielle are discussing if Bree is making the worst mistake of her life by marrying Orson. Bree enters the room...)
Bree: And what mistake would that be?
Mary-Alice: Yes, a bridesmaid can question many of the brides choices...
Susan: These dresses are hideous.
Mary Alice: ... but the groom is not one of them.
Gabrielle: (about Orson) Oh, generous. That means he's good in the sack.
Bree: Actually... uh no, we haven't had sex yet. We're waiting until we get married.
Gabrielle: Hahahahaha (Sees that Bree is serious) Oh my God, you're serious? No sex at all? Not even a...?
Bree: Whatever you are alluding to...no.
Gabrielle: But you're gonna get married. You wouldn't buy a car without at least taking it for a little test drive.
Doctor: Ms. Van De Kamp, I think you may have had an orgasm.
Bree: No, no, no. I've had orgasms before.
Doctor: How would you describe them?
Bree: Oh, you know. That warm sensation; that tingling feeling of relief when it's over. No, no, this was much...
Doctor: That's cause it was an orgasm.
Bree: Oh. Well, I'll be darned.
Bree: Excuse me. Did you lose something?
Orson: No. I just thought... for you.
Bree: Oh, um. I don't do that.
Orson: Why not?
Bree: I'm a republican.
Orson: I'm a libertarian. I believe in minimizing the role of the state and maximizing individual rights.
Bree: But Orson?!
Orson: Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
Bree: Oh! Does anybody ever call you "Alfie"?
Bree: And why should they? So, um, Alfred, I was wondering if you could maybe loosen my restraints. They're incredibly tight, and I'm sure there are no rules against making me more comfortable.
Alfred: Do you think I'm stupid?
Bree: I beg your pardon?
Alfred: Two seconds after I loosen these little restraints, you'll try to scratch my eyes out and make a run for it. Well, I'm not falling for it, you psycho little bitch. In fact, I hope they keep you tied up for the next month 'cause I'd get a real kick out of watching a prissy little whack job like you lying in your own filth. Know what I mean?
Bree: Excuse me. Do you have the time?
Alfred: Yeah, it's just after 8.
Bree: Oh, I was afraid of that.
Alfred: Afraid of what?
Bree: Well, I'm only supposed to be restrained until 7. You see, I have a problem with sleepwalking. They just tie me up so that I don't wander off and hurt myself.
Alfred: Yeah, well, I'm sure a nurse will be in here soon.
Dr. Barr: Hey there. I was surprised to hear you wanted a session.
Bree: Well, there's nothing like being tied to a bed to change a girl's mind.
Dr. Barr: What do you wanna talk about?
Bree: Anything at all. As you said, I...I have a lot of issues.
Dr. Barr: Well, I assumed as much when you told the ridiculous story about your daughter running off with a murderer.
Bree: Saw right through that, did ya?
Dr. Barr: Well, I'm a trained professional, Bree. The human mind is my playground.
Bree: Well, I'm glad that you're having fun.
Bree: Would you please, uh, add that to our bill?
Rex: I'm telling you, Bree, you're gonna have to stop riding 'em so hard.
Bree: I am trying to ensure that they turn into responsible adults. Trust me, Rex, in the end, we will be rewarded.
Rex: How can you be so damn sure of yourself all the time?
Bree: Why is my certainty a flaw? I know what I'm about, I know my values, and I know what's right. Why shouldn't I stay the course? Am I right, Mr. Williams?
Bree: If that's what it takes... to get my daughter...
Danielle: Stop it!
Bree: ...to see who you really are...
Danielle: Stop pointing that at my mother!
Bree: ...then fine.
Danielle: What are you doing?!
Bree: Do it.