(Bree and Orson are leaving to go find Andrew. Orson has only just found out Bree left him on the side of the road)
Danielle: You know, Andrew is not the only one having a rough year. I'm the one whose boyfriend got shot right in front of her.
(Orson looks at Bree stunned)
Bree: (to Orson) We'll... talk in the car.

Bree: Some reporter. All she could tell me was what neighborhood they found him in. They don't have any contact information, no phone number, no address.
Orson: If he had an address, he would not be homeless.

(In the bride's room, after Susan, Lynette and Gabrielle shared their concerns - regarding Orson - with Bree)
Bree: He did not hack her up and dissolve the pieces in acid!
Gabrielle: I said it was a theory.
Lynette: The point is, Alma disappeared under very suspicious circumstances.
Bree: I don't have time for this. I'm getting married now.
Susan: This is your day. You can push the ceremony back an hour. Now get that detective on the phone, talk things out with Orson.
Bree: I can't talk to Orson. It's bad luck for the groom to see
the bride before the wedding.
Lynette: You know what's really bad luck? Marrying a wife-killer.

(Susan, Lynette and Gabrielle are discussing if Bree is making the worst mistake of her life by marrying Orson. Bree enters the room...)
Bree: And what mistake would that be?
Mary-Alice: Yes, a bridesmaid can question many of the brides choices...
Susan: These dresses are hideous.
Mary Alice: ... but the groom is not one of them.

Gabrielle: (about Orson) Oh, generous. That means he's good in the sack.
Bree: Actually... uh no, we haven't had sex yet. We're waiting until we get married.
Gabrielle: Hahahahaha (Sees that Bree is serious) Oh my God, you're serious? No sex at all? Not even a...?
Bree: Whatever you are alluding to...no.
Gabrielle: But you're gonna get married. You wouldn't buy a car without at least taking it for a little test drive.

Doctor: Ms. Van De Kamp, I think you may have had an orgasm.
Bree: No, no, no. I've had orgasms before.
Doctor: How would you describe them?
Bree: Oh, you know. That warm sensation; that tingling feeling of relief when it's over. No, no, this was much...
Doctor: Better?
Bree: Yes.
Doctor: That's cause it was an orgasm.
Bree: Oh. Well, I'll be darned.

Bree: Excuse me. Did you lose something?
Orson: No. I just thought... for you.
Bree: Oh, um. I don't do that.
Orson: Why not?
Bree: I'm a republican.
Orson: I'm a libertarian. I believe in minimizing the role of the state and maximizing individual rights.
Bree: But Orson?!
Orson: Trust me. I know what I'm doing.

Bree: Oh! Does anybody ever call you "Alfie"?
Alfred: No.
Bree: And why should they? So, um, Alfred, I was wondering if you could maybe loosen my restraints. They're incredibly tight, and I'm sure there are no rules against making me more comfortable.
Alfred: Do you think I'm stupid?
Bree: I beg your pardon?
Alfred: Two seconds after I loosen these little restraints, you'll try to scratch my eyes out and make a run for it. Well, I'm not falling for it, you psycho little bitch. In fact, I hope they keep you tied up for the next month 'cause I'd get a real kick out of watching a prissy little whack job like you lying in your own filth. Know what I mean?

Bree: Excuse me. Do you have the time?
Alfred: Yeah, it's just after 8.
Bree: Oh, I was afraid of that.
Alfred: Afraid of what?
Bree: Well, I'm only supposed to be restrained until 7. You see, I have a problem with sleepwalking. They just tie me up so that I don't wander off and hurt myself.
Alfred: Yeah, well, I'm sure a nurse will be in here soon.

Dr. Barr: Hey there. I was surprised to hear you wanted a session.
Bree: Well, there's nothing like being tied to a bed to change a girl's mind.
Dr. Barr: What do you wanna talk about?
Bree: Anything at all. As you said, I...I have a lot of issues.
Dr. Barr: Well, I assumed as much when you told the ridiculous story about your daughter running off with a murderer.
Bree: Saw right through that, did ya?
Dr. Barr: Well, I'm a trained professional, Bree. The human mind is my playground.
Bree: Well, I'm glad that you're having fun.

Bree: Would you please, uh, add that to our bill?
Rex: I'm telling you, Bree, you're gonna have to stop riding 'em so hard.
Bree: I am trying to ensure that they turn into responsible adults. Trust me, Rex, in the end, we will be rewarded.
Rex: How can you be so damn sure of yourself all the time?
Bree: Why is my certainty a flaw? I know what I'm about, I know my values, and I know what's right. Why shouldn't I stay the course? Am I right, Mr. Williams?

Bree: If that's what it takes... to get my daughter...
Danielle: Stop it!
Bree: ...to see who you really are...
Danielle: Stop pointing that at my mother!
Bree: ...then fine.
Danielle: What are you doing?!
Bree: Do it.
Danielle: Stop!

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 226 in total

Desperate Housewives Quotes

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike

Have you met the perfect couple? The two soulmates, whose love never dies? The two lovers, whose relationship is never threatened? The husband and wife, who trust each other completely? If you haven't met the perfect couple, let me introduce you. They stand atop a layer of butter-cream frosting. The secret of their success? Well, for starters, they don't have to look at each other.

Mary Alice
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