(Edie is showing Bree, Orson and Gloria a cheap house.)
Edie: Let's try to be positive people! It's a fabulous location and just walking distance from all sorts of fun shops.
Bree: Right! From here I can see a bail bonds man and an adult book shop!

Bree: You cannot let your mother move into this neighborhood. It's filled with junkies and whores.
Orson: And we'll owe them all an apology.

Bree: Now you listen to me. That woman gave you life, and the Fifth Commandment tells us to honor our parents no matter how hideous or repellent they may be.
Orson: That's not exactly what...
Bree: Orson, it's implied!

Ida: Bree, have you heard?
Bree: Awful, just awful. Deviled egg?
Ida: (after Bree lets them in and walks away.) I told you she'd have food.

(Orson is explaining to Bree that it was an accident what it said about Alma on the police report)
Bree: By the way, to remove a red wine stain, you sprinkle salt to absorb it.
Orson: That's just what I was saying to Alma when she clocked me!

Bree: Orson, if you have a moment, there is something I would like your thoughts on.
Orson: Certainly. What is it? The menu for our Holiday open house?
Bree: No, it's a police report from the night you beat your first wife. I'm still working on the menu.

Carolyn: There's never a good reason for hitting a woman.
Bree: I used to think that too. Then I met you. Good day.

Doctor: She's resisting our efforts to pump her stomach. She said she only took three sedatives.
Andrew: She's disorientated, pump her.
Bree: Andrew, (Bree looks at doctor) Pump her.
Bree: They're sticking a tube down her throat. Do you still think this is funny?
Andrew: Mom this was a half ass bid for attention.
Bree: This was a cry for help and if we don't listen, the next time she could do something even more dangerous.
Andrew: (smirks) Yeah next time she might jump off the porch.

Bree: Is my daughter alright?
Doctor: She'll be fine. The wounds are very superficial.
Andrew: (smirks) So is the patient.

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