Stewie: I've been approaching this far too intelligently. He's an idiot, so this shouldn't be hard at all! Hey Brian, you want to go see Doctor Hartman and get that procedure where you get two weiners?
Brian: Whoa, hell yeah! That way when I watch Black Swan, I can aim one at that Natalie Portman, and aim the other one at -
Stewie: Yes, yes, yes, we all know who the other one was.

Brian: Winning!
Peter: Haha, remember somebody said that?

Brian: Bazinga!
Peter: Haha, like what the guy scientist says. Brian, say something else from TV!
Brian: Watchu talkin bout Willis!?

Peter: You want a beer?
Brian: Peter, it's 11 AM.
Peter: If the clock ain't digital, you don't know that!

Haha, Brian's stupid! I must alert the townsfolk!

Chris

Brian: What's on his arms?
Stewie: Those are waterwings. He was terrified of the water.

Brian: Excuse me Mr. Hemingway. Can I have a beer with you?
Ernest Hemingway: Sure, I love life and all the people in it.
Brian: Thanks and, as a fellow writer, I'd love to talk to you about your craft God if only we can get rid of these damn arms and attach the pen directly to the heart.....
[Hemingway shoots himself]

Stewie Also, I gave the string quartet the music for highway to the danger zone
Brian: You have the sheet music for highway to the danger zone?
Stewie: Uh, yeah, that's all I keep in here. It's power bars and sheet music

Stewie: Boy this must be killing you. You're an atheist, and the one guy you don't believe in is getting to bang the woman of your dreams.
Brain: I don't have to take this! I'm out of here. Can you let me out?

Peter: Jesus, we're going to help you lose your virginity!
Quagmire: Oh god! I love sex!

Joe: Sex is overrated.
Peter: Stay out of this Joe.

Hey, its Thanksgiving. Shouldn't you be in Detroit losing a football game right about now.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Now I may be an idiot, but there's one thing I am not sir, and that sir, is an idiot.

Peter