Brittany: Remember: even the smallest envelope is heavy for an elf.

Last year I left my stocking up over Christmas vacation and an entire family of mice starting living in it. Their Christmas gift to each other was rabies.

Artie: Adultery means cheating.
Brittany: I thought it meant being stupid. Like being a dolt.

If we lose, we should throw possums.

I'm paralyzed with fear. I've been here since second period. I really need to pee.

Brittany

I know I'm more talented than all of you. Britney Spears taught me that.

Artie: We all know you can do it.
Brittany: I know that I can't. Just like I know the cricket that reads to me at night is totally stealing my jewelry.

When you guys fooled around, did he ever just lie there?

Brittany [on Artie]

Mr. Schu taught me the second half of the alphabet. I stopped after M and N. I thought they sounded too similar and got frustrated.

They look like deep fried deep poop.

Brittany [on tater tots]

Mini Rachel: I for one think we should use our set list for Sectionals to start exploring the oeuvre of Bernadette Peters.
Mini Brittany: Someday, I'm gonna go to Paris and visit the oeuvre.

Will: I'm not tossing the baby out with the bath water here.
Brittany: I've totally done that.

Glee Quotes

[to Kurt] You know, these Mounds bars are delicious, but you have to eat them. If you just hold them in your hand hoping that you might get to eat them one day, they're going to melt and you'll look like somebody just pooped in your hand. Don't let waiting for things to maybe work out with Blaine turn you into the guy who looks like somebody just pooped in their hand.

Brittany

Blaine: Where's the bed?
Brittany: I removed it because when I imagined you two having sex I imagined a U-haul mounting a moped.