He was a very nice man when we met him, but based on his recent letters I have a small fear he's become a war lord.

Cameron: It would be like Lewis telling Clark that he didn't like to walk. Sidenote: We're very good friends with a couple named Lewis and Clark. Clark bought a big sparkly belt in New Orleans that he calls his Louisiana Purchase.

Calm down, you know I grew up around many animals. One time a rooster attacked me and my mom rung its neck and we had it for dinner.

I get it, you're terrfied of small talk and birds, you're just lucky that pigeon didn't want to chat you up about the weather.

Every home-improvement project we've undertaken has been a near-death experience.

If I have to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar one more time, I will snap!

If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

Mitchell: Aren't you going to change into a working man's outfit?
Cameron: I don't think workmen really call them outfits.

Cameron: I remember once at a New Year's Eve party, stroke of midnight, he high-fived me. Two problems with that: One, gays don't high five. Two, gays don't high five.

Mitchell: Nobody kisses at a bowling alley!
Cam: I almost got a turkey!

It was the nineties, we'd just lost Princess Di. I was at sea.

Cam [on dating Pepper]

Yes, I've gained a few extra pounds while we were expecting the baby... but that's science. You can't fight it.

Modern Family Quotes

You could pretend to get sick at the table. You know cough, stomachache, dealer's choice, I don't care just sell it.

Mitchell

Thank you Uncle Manny!

Haley