You win an Oscar. You buy a Golden Globe.

That's different, that was gossip and gossip belongs to everyone.

Mitchell: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
Cam: Well you did and do you know what the sad thing is? We could be laughing at someone's calf implants right now.

We didn’t say Grace, we said on your marks, get set go.

There’s a caste system at school. Academic teachers at the top, gym teachers at the bottom. It’s offensive and disrespectful, they treat us like we’re lunch ladies.

Cam: Poker face, poker face.
Mitchell: Ok, now work on your poker voice.

I thought it was a charity event for the need, it turns out it was a charity event FOR the needy!

Now I don’t get what tuna net you dolphins swam into but you guys are drowning out there!

There will be no mourning Knight this afternoon.

We never told Grandma ‘bout the gay.

Lily: Y’all fightin?
Cam: No no sweetie, we’re just having a conversation about how your daddy can be so stuck up.

That’s the worst call since they cast Russell Crowe in Les Miz!!

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


He's like Batman, but straight.

Mitchell [on the gardener]