That's different, that was gossip and gossip belongs to everyone.

Mitchell: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
Cam: Well you did and do you know what the sad thing is? We could be laughing at someone's calf implants right now.

We didn’t say Grace, we said on your marks, get set go.

There’s a caste system at school. Academic teachers at the top, gym teachers at the bottom. It’s offensive and disrespectful, they treat us like we’re lunch ladies.

Cam: Poker face, poker face.
Mitchell: Ok, now work on your poker voice.

I thought it was a charity event for the need, it turns out it was a charity event FOR the needy!

Now I don’t get what tuna net you dolphins swam into but you guys are drowning out there!

There will be no mourning Knight this afternoon.

We never told Grandma ‘bout the gay.

Lily: Y’all fightin?
Cam: No no sweetie, we’re just having a conversation about how your daddy can be so stuck up.

That’s the worst call since they cast Russell Crowe in Les Miz!!

Mitchell [to Lily]: Wanna get our face painted like a pretty butterfly?
Cam: No I’m not in the mood.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Cameron: If I wasn't in school or fishing, I was clowning. There are four types of clowns: a tramp, Auguste, a whiteface, and a character. I am a classically trained Auguste clown named Fizbo.
Mitchell: Between the clowning and the fishing, I'm surprised you had time for the schooling. Aww, there's the fifth type, the sad clown.
Cameron: A sad clown is a tramp.. so there's still only four types.