Pepper: My job is to give you a snowflake that makes everyone die with jealousy.
Cam: That's all we've ever wanted.

I'm gonna go over there and be as socially magnetic as I always am, we will put this on the back burner, but underneath know I am fuming.

Would you believe she said I'm the emotionally fragile one? I mean how crazy is that!

She can be meaner than a barn owl at sunset.

Mitchell: Hey fiancée.
Cam: Hello my intended.

I know one Indian who was friends with a construction worker, fireman, and traffic cop.

Prepare to feel like an old denim fest because I'm about to be-dazzling you.

Why does drama keep following me everywhere I go? It just pops up out of nowhere.

Jump, swim, now give me your best Beyonce.

Mitchell look around, your family is cheating on me with your ex boyfriend!

Aww time to heal more, that's so sweet and sensitive. Why did you kill that part of yourself?

Cam [to Mitchell]

Cam: Well obviously the tooth fairy made a mistake.
Mitchell: Maybe it's cause the tooth fairy had a little too much chardonnay last night.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Cameron: If I wasn't in school or fishing, I was clowning. There are four types of clowns: a tramp, Auguste, a whiteface, and a character. I am a classically trained Auguste clown named Fizbo.
Mitchell: Between the clowning and the fishing, I'm surprised you had time for the schooling. Aww, there's the fifth type, the sad clown.
Cameron: A sad clown is a tramp.. so there's still only four types.