We should start calling her ranch house, cause she doesn't have a second story.

Cam: Are you excited for your big sleepover with your cousins?
Lily: Who's watching me?
Cam: Haley.
Lily: I'm serious.
Mitchell: Alex.
Lily: Okay let's go.

Cam: Okay what did we learn from "A League of Their Own?"
Claire: No crying in baseball.
Cam: No, that Madonna's a lousy actress and so are you. So what's going on?

Cats, now and forever. Well actually until next Thursday. It's been described as transcendent!

Cam: I'm a doer and an action taker. Sean Penn would play me in a movie about this. Or Anne Hathaway if they wanted a female driven vehicle.
Mitchell: And who would play your long suffering partner?
Cam: Julianne Moore either way.
Mitchell: I would totally see that. I would.

What did I tell you, that place is like a gay bar with dumbbells.

Gloria: The baby kicked me all night. It's either going to be a football player or a chorus girl.
Cam: You can be both. My senior year I was a right side linebacker and a left side cancan dancer in Gigi.

Phone! I bet that's Mama, I was just dreaming it was raining chickens.

Alex: I know what you think about Michael, mom. You didn't have to bring your big gay guns in to back you up. No offense.
Mitchell: None taken.
Cam: I kinda like it.

Cam: When I was young and straight, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rock star. I'm not proud of it.
Mitchell: You're kinda proud of it, you work it into a lot of conversations.

We agreed to tell Lily the about her mother together wearing calming earth tones and we agreed to tell her the truth!

I'm tired of people not noticing the new physique. If this doesn't work I'm breaking out the diaper and top hat and going as baby New Year.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


He's like Batman, but straight.

Mitchell [on the gardener]