Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

I'm tired of people not noticing the new physique. If this doesn't work I'm breaking out the diaper and top hat and going as baby New Year.

Nobody's gonna see my bod in this bulky bull costume

Claire: Why are we hugging?
Cam: Because I know if he called you for help, heard as many insults as I know he had to hear, then he had a worse day than me.

Why don't you call my dad and talk about what a teet-sucking layabout I am?

Is this kindergarten or the Hunger Games?

If you ever put your hands on my daughter again, I will string you up by your feet, run you up the flagpole and let the birds peck out your eyes.

Mitchell: I think I'm laying on a rock.
Cam: I'm laying next to mine.

There are coyotes out here, and meth addicts!

Oh I'm sorry are my pinkies up? They do that when I get excited. Down girls.

It's better to carry a tune than a grudge.

You don't know terror until you have to stare down the eyes of a Missouri state trooper and talk your way out of a PUI.

I've been fired, everyone has.

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 200 in total

Modern Family Quotes

I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women.
Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, Serena Williams… Wait a minute.

Phil Dunphy

I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy and I dare you to not like me.

Cameron
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