Favorite Carlos Solis Quotes
Dale: I got kinda held up in Florida longer than I thought.
Carlos: Spring break, right?
Dale: Yeah. Oh man, we were wasted twenty-four seven! Then I got the message and I just thought my friends were messin' with me. Those buttwads!
Carlos: What about the baby, Gabrielle, huh? What about my baby?
Gabrielle: Oh, your baby?
Carlos: Fine. Our baby. Hey, we're a family now. This baby needs its mother and its father.
Gabrielle: Oh, Carlos. Whoever said you were the father?
Gabrielle: So just to be clear, some slutty cheerleader gets knocked up by the soccer coach behind the local gas 'n gulp, and she is going to make sure we're quality people?
Carlos: You don't need to answer that.
Carlos: Hey, I didn't say we had to stop. I just said we had to be quiet.
Edie: What? I suppose we should tiptoe around like schoolchildren so our parents don't catch us doing it? I feel like I'm 12 again.
Carlos: I'm just saying, I don't think that the whole world needs to know our..(Realizing what Edie just said) 12?
Carlos: You've been paying more attention to your food than you have to me lately.
Gabrielle: I plan on getting really fat as a tribute to your mother
Gaby: You can't dress for church if you want to move the 'merch. You gotta shake the rear to make them buy the gear. You wanna sell some knits, you gotta flash the...
Carlos: Gaby! I got it.
(to Gabrielle) Gabby if I was gonna send you flowers I wouldn't send pink roses, I'd send you white orchids, because I know they're your favorite, and if I wanted to cheer you up sunflowers, and for the flu, blue irises.
Carlos: I'm sorry, but this is your mistake. You're going to have to fix it yourself.
Gabrielle: And I would love to, but I have the upper body strength of a kitten. I need a brute!
Gabrielle: Hey, cut her some slack. She's Romanian, okay? When your people are being chased into Argentina by angry cossacks, maybe a sparkling toilet isn't that important.
Carlos: Argentina? How about you stick to fractions, and I'll teach Juanita geography? Goodbye.
Gabrielle: Why are all rich men jerks?
Carlos: Same reason all beautiful women are bitches!
(pause)
Carlos: So, same time tomorrow?
Gabrielle: Sure, baby.
(leans over and kisses him)
Gabrielle: You see, your health insurance sent us a letter because someone ordered a year's worth of birth control pills, and apparently our policy doesn't cover drugs bought by the kilo.
Carlos: I told you, it was mama.
Gabrielle: The prescription was dated, Carlos, and Juanita was in a coma when this claim was filed. You did this, not your mother. At least be man enough to own up to it. She would've been
Gabrielle: What?
Carlos: You never liked Mama.
Gabrielle: Well, it's awfully hard to like someone who actively hates your guts. She always thought you married beneath you and she let me know it.
Carlos: She loved you.
Gabrielle: She treated me like trash! God rest her soul.
Carlos: I'm putting my mother in the grave. Now is not the time to pinch pennies.
Gabrielle: Carlos, we're not exactly flush with cash right now. Let her be true to her roots. She was born humble and barefoot.
Carlos: She was a queen
