Popular Carlos Solis Quotes
Gabrielle: Why are all rich men jerks?
Carlos: Same reason all beautiful women are bitches!
(pause)
Carlos: So, same time tomorrow?
Gabrielle: Sure, baby.
(leans over and kisses him)
Listen to me - you're going to go back there, you're going to put that money in Rita's hands, and you're going to convince her that life is not worth living unless she has jugs the size of Texas! Do I make myself clear?
Carlos: You never even apologized.
Gabrielle: I apologized a million times.
Carlos: Yeah, but you always followed it up with an excuse: "I was lonely; You weren't home enough; A woman needs to be loved."
Gabrielle: A woman does need to be loved! And since you didn't give it to me, I had to find it elsewhere. (brief pause)
Carlos: So that's what the teenager was doing in our bedroom? Filling you with love?
David: You want to know if I'm interested in sleeping with your wife. Well, the answer is yes.
Gabrielle: Carlos, he's kidding. Tell him you're kidding.
Carlos: Shut it.
David: And clearly, Gabrielle is willful, self-centered and manipulative. She's also beautiful enough to be worth the trouble. So, the minute we leave this room I'm gonna aggressively pursue her. And when I succeed, which I will, we are gonna fly to my chateau in Germany and have dinner in a local bistro. They make the best racolin in all of Europe. We'll make love by the fire and afterwards a little midnight skiing. (to Gabrielle) You ski, don't you? You're athletic, you'll learn. (to Carlos) Anyway, all of this only happens if you fire me. If you keep me on, your wife's off-limits. I'd get disbarred for sleeping with a client's wife and nobody's worth that, not even her. That's my pitch. I'll let you think about it.
Sister Mary: Are you two involved in any charities?
Gabrielle: Currently? No.
Carlos: But we should be. I mean, let's face it Gabby, buying more stuff isn't gonna make our lives any better.
Sister Mary: Exactly. Money can't buy happiness.
Gabrielle: Well, sure it can. That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep 'em from rioting!
Carlos: Gabby!
Gabrielle: It's a joke. Lighten up.
Carlos: Can you believe this? I'm married to a woman so selfish, she makes fun of the entire concept of charity.
Gabrielle: You are a hypocrite. The money you spent to buy your sports car could buy a mud hut for every peasant in Ecuador.
Carlos: Ok, you're right. But I'm evolving, starting right now. Sister, I would like to donate my car to your mission.
Gabrielle: What?!
Sister Mary: Carlos, are you sure?
Carlos: Absolutely. Gabrielle and I don't need two cars, we can share one.
Gabrielle: Share? What if you have the car and I need to go shopping.
Carlos: We're gonna cut back on shopping too.
Gabrielle (yelling): Ok, I think we should all just calm down a little bit!
Gabrielle: What happened?
Carlos: Well, there's this church group that helps out Catholic prisoners and they really, really stepped up for me.
Gabrielle: Well, what did they do?
Carlos: They lobbied the Parole Board and it worked.
Gabrielle: Mmm. I guess I owe the Pope a thank you note.
Carlos: Uh, less talking, more stripping.
Gabrielle: (talking to Carlos about who might've told Lynette about her affair) So I know Susan Mayer would never tell must've been Helen Rowland! She probably blabbed to all the girls at the salon. And Ida Greenberg goes to that salon, so if Ida knows the whole town knows and we're just gonna have to move, that's all there is to it. Carlos! Can you stop pudding for two seconds and show me some support?
Carlos: What do you expect me to do? You brought this on yourself.
Gabrielle: It was a harmless little kiss! Why is everyone making a big deal about this?
Carlos: Because you had an affair with an underaged gardener! People don't think you are harmless, they see you as a predator! (Smirks)
Gabrielle: You're enjoying this, aren't you? Punishing me, dangling the affair over my head, well I won't tolerate it!
(steps on Carlos's golf ball as it's about to enter the hole)
Carlos: Really? So just what are you gonna do about it?
Gabrielle: I'm gonna let you even the score. Carlos, go have an affair!
Carlos: What?!
Gabrielle: I had my little indiscretion. So you go have yours. Get it out of your system. I know you want to.
Carlos: I do not!
Gabrielle: Sure you do. Knock yourself out. Call up an old college flame. Rent a call girl. Fly to Africa, and nail that little nun you've been drooling over. I don't care!
Carlos: You're crazy.
Gabrielle: No, I'm pragmatic. Because once you finish your fling, we'll be equals again. And then you won't be able to judge me. And then we can go back to being a boring average married couple.
As she walks away
Gabrielle: Oh, just do me a favor, don't bring back any diseases.
Carlos: I'm sorry, but this is your mistake. You're going to have to fix it yourself.
Gabrielle: And I would love to, but I have the upper body strength of a kitten. I need a brute!
Carlos: What the hell were you thinking?
Gabrielle: Uh, depends. What have you heard?
Carlos: I got a call from the church. They said you attacked Sister Mary!
Gabrielle: Yeah, that's about right.
Carlos: What are you thinking?
Gabrielle: I wasn't, but I was thinking about it on the way over here. And I realized the ass I should be kicking is yours.
Carlos: Mine?
Gabrielle: Yes! Sister Mary manipulated you into threatening me, but you're the idiot that fell for it.
Carlos: I was not threatening you. I was asking for a promise.
Gabrielle: You made a promise, Carlos, a long time ago: till death do us part. And one day you just come home and start throwing words around like annulment. How do you think that makes me feel?
Carlos: Okay, I'm sorry about that. I need to have a child.
Gabrielle: And I need to know I'm the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, not just some uterus in high heels.
Carlos: Gabrielle, please.
Gabrielle: No, Carlos, I am sorry. I am not gonna be blackmailed into giving birth. You have to choose. And I wish you would do it so I can move on with my life.
Carlos: Well, of course I choose you.
Gabrielle: I think that's the right decision. You know, I made a decision, too. The answer to your question earlier is yes.
Carlos: Yes...
Gabrielle: I wanna have a baby. I wanna have a baby with you.
Sister Mary: Thank you for meeting with me.
Carlos: Sure! I'd have invited you in the house but the place is a real pigsty.
Sister Mary: Carlos, I'm a nun, not a moron.
Carlos: Please don't tell me you're crying just because you can't have the maid you want.
Gabrielle: Carlos, she wouldn't have been just a maid, she would have been the best damn maid ever!
Carlos: You're pathetic.
Gabrielle: Shut up!
Carlos: At the Donahue party everyone was talking mutual funds, and you found a way to mention you slept with half of the Yankee outfield.
Gabrielle: I'm telling you, it came up in the context of the conversation
