Carlos Solis Quotes
Dale: I got kinda held up in Florida longer than I thought.
Carlos: Spring break, right?
Dale: Yeah. Oh man, we were wasted twenty-four seven! Then I got the message and I just thought my friends were messin' with me. Those buttwads!
Carlos: My mama worked her fingers to the bone for me!
Gabrielle: That's what put her in an early grave! (long pause) Well that and the hit and run thing...
Carlos: He's not going to sell his baby for $8000!
Gabrielle: Are we talking about the same idiot?! I think for $30,000 you throw in a kidney!
Gabrielle: He's going to light himself on fire with coffee liqueur?!
Carlos: Would not have been my choice.
(stripper comes over to Carlos and Gabrielle's table)
Stripper: (to Carlos) Hi... You want a lap dance?
Carlos: Uh... (long pause, looks at Gabrielle, who is glaring at him) No... thanks...
Frank: Hey... I'm Frank, Libby's boyfriend.
Gabielle: Libby, you didn't tell us you had a boyfriend!
Libby: Didn't I?! I thought I had...
Frank: What's that? A present for our baby?
Carlos: I'm sorry... Did you just say "our baby?"
Gabrielle: No. No, no, no. I want that woman's baby, and I'm gonna get it!
Carlos: And just how are you gonna go about doing that?
Gabrielle: Well, first of all, I'm gonna show her one of our tax returns. Once she sees how much money we have, I have a hunch we're gonna look a whole lot whiter!
Carlos: I want a child. Any child!
Gabrielle: Fine, just know that in a couple of days when that thing is born, you're gonna have to snuggle up with something with THAT face on it don't come crying to me.
Carlos: He is gonna dump us as clients if you don't stop being so damn picky!
Gabrielle: We're gonna have to stare at this face for the next 18 years. I don't think now is the time to skimp on quality!
Gabrielle: Okay, look, we have to find another mother.
Carlos: Why?
Gabrielle: Okay, this isn't easy to say, so I'm just going to say it, but have you taken a good look at her?
Carlos: Oh my god, are you trying to say that you don't want Deanna's baby because she's plain?
Gabrielle: No! Plain I can handle - Carlos, since that woman has walked into our house the clocks have stopped working!
Carlos: No one can predict what a child is going to look like. For all you know, her kid could end up winning beauty contests.
Gabrielle: With her DNA? The only thing that kid's going to be winning is best in show.
Carlos: Helen! You work here!
Roda (adoption lady): You all know each other? What a small world!
Helen It sure is. Mrs. Solis hired my son to do her yard work, and also she would rape him.
Carlos: This is the first time I ever thought you wanted to have a baby.
Gabrielle: Well, this is the first time anyone said I couldn't have one.
