Chandler Bing Quotes
Ross: (Imitating Joey's infomercial) Are you intrigued?
Chandler: You're flingin'-flangin' right I am!
Monica: Pretend like you just woke up, okay, that will throw her off. Be sleepy.
Rachel: And grumpy!
Chandler: Would you stop naming dwarves!
Joey: Oh yeah. Go for it, man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!
Chandler: Yeah, Joe. I assure you if I'm ever staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much gonna be peeing every which way.
Monica: I've got a new plan now. Babies!
Chandler: Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.
Chandler: Okay, well Janice said "Hi, do I look fat today?" So I looked at her...
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her? You never look. You just answer, it's like a reflex. Do I look fat? No! Is she prettier than I am? No! Does size matter?
Rachel: No!
Ross: And it works both ways.
Chandler: Janice likes to cuddle at night, which you know I am all for. But, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something?
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there 'cause were're cuddily sleepers! Okay, I'm late for work. All right, are you guys gonna come down?
Ross: Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm right behind you. (Rachel leaves) Okay the sleeping thing: very tricky business, but there is something you can do.
Chandler: but I thought you guys were cuddily sleepers.
Ross: No! No, not cuddily, not me, I'm like you I need the room.
Joey: Oh, Jam? I love jam! Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Ross & Rachel: No.
Chandler: Okay I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Ross: Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1, she'll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do?
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Ross: (Buzzes) Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.
Phoebe: (About Malcolm) You think he's still following her?
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.
Rachel: (About the sling on Joey's arm) Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?
Joey: No. I had a whole cover story, but Chandler here sold me out.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe, I didn't think the doctor would buy that it just fell out of the socket.
(Thinking) Look at all that room on her side! You good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time! I'm huggin', I'm huggin', you're rollin', and... yes! Freedom! Except for this arm! Arm stuck! Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick. One fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1... 2... 3!
