Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXChris Griffin Quotes
Chris: Dad, can Meg and I stay up late when you're away.
Peter: You can do whatever you want, Chris, just stay away from the Candy Tree.
Candy Tree: He's right to caution you. I feed off of children
Peter: Hey Lois, can you grab me a beer? Lois?
Chris: Dad, I think she went out.
Peter: Alright then you be Lois.
Chris: Okay.
Peter: Hey Lois, can you get me a be...oh my God, you've really let yourself go!
Chris: Well maybe if you bought me some nice clothes once in a while!
Chris: What's a library, dad?
Peter: Oh, it's just a place where homeless people come to shave and go BM
Peter: Hey, Chris, what are you doing?
Chris: Just layin' back in the cot, peepin' at this here homie. Yo, pops, let me have some cheddar. Some player hater be throwin' salt in my game and grillin' me over my gear and I needs to be mackin' style.
Peter: Well, uh... the important thing is you tried, son.
Now whenever I see a dead body, I will poke it twice as hard for you Sam!
Herbert: You like popsicles?
Chris: Well, sure!
Herbert: Then you need to come on down to the cellar. I got a whole freezer full of popsicles. Mmmmm.
Chris: No, thanks. I gotta get going.
Herbert: Oh, don't make me beg now.
Chris: Hahaha! You're funny. Bye.
[Chris pedals away on his bike]
Herbert: Get your fat ass back here
Sam: I can't believe you're leavin'...
Chris: Me either. I'll be sure to write.
Sam: And I'll be sure to learn to read
When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonet up my nose, it tickles my brain. Ow. Now, I don't know math
Meg: Chris, quit it! Mom! Chris put his foot on my side again!
Chris: I can't help it. I have these long dancer's legs.
Meg: Move it!
Stewie: Meg, stop your whining. Chris, stay on your own side. Lois, for God's sake, get off your ass and do some parenting!
Lois: If you kids don't knock it off, we're not goin' to McDonald's after church.
Meg and Chris: MOM!
Peter: Don't worry. We're goin'. B-B-But you don't get the Supersize.
Chris: OH!
Peter: Okay, you can Supersize. But no apple pie!
Meg: Oh, come on!
Peter: Okay, you get an apple pie, but you can't blow on it
[Meg and Chris are raking leaves]
Chris: Hold it, Meg. Those two are mine.
Meg: What?
Chris: That's Randy and that's Fred. Randy's the messy one. Fred's very neat. And when you get them together, whoa! Hold onto your sides!
Meg: Nice to meet you both.
[Meg picks up the leaves and rubs them together]
Chris: Murderer!
[Chris chases after Meg and they get caught by Lois]
Lois: Stop it! Both of you! Starting now, you two are gonna love each other.
[Lois makes them hug]
Lois: Now stay that way!
Chris: It's gonna be weird to potty
Chris: Dad, I know what to do. I saw it on Fox's When Bears Attack. Chris [to the bear]: Go away! Go on! Get! Stay tuned for an all-new Ally McBeal
