Joe: All right, we're gonna do it once more!
(everyone else groans in agony)
Joe: And this time, NO MISTAKES! ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR!
(Cleveland begins playing the piano, while the others dance)
Peter, Joe and Quagmire: (singing) Good mornin', good mornin'!
Cleveland: It's great to stay up late!
Peter, Joe and Quagmire: Good mornin', good mornin', to you!
Peter: When the band began to play,
The stars were shinin' bright!
Quagmire: But now the milkman's on his way.
It's too late to say good night!
Joe: (screaming at Quagmire) SO SAY GOOD MORNIN'!!!!!!
Quagmire: AHH! (starts sobbing) Good mornin'!
(everyone continues dancing)
Sunbeams will soon smile through.
Peter, Joe and Quagmire: Good mornin', good mornin', to you!
(the song ends, but Stewie pops out from behind the couch and continues by himself)
Stewie: Nothin' could be grander than to be in Louisiana!
In the mornin', in the mor- Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were still going.

Cleveland: Wow, thanks, Spider-Man!
Spider-Man: Everybody gets one. (to Peter) Tell 'em, Peter.
Peter: (to Cleveland) Uh, apparently, everybody gets one.
Spider-Man: Bingo! (shoots web string and swings off)

Herbert (Obi-Wan): Mos Eisley spaceport, you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Cleveland (R2-D2): My sister Regina-D2 lives here.
Quagmire (C-3PO): Is she single?
Cleveland (R2-D2): She's a lez-bot.

Chris (Luke): R2, what are you doing out here?
Cleveland (R2-D2): Beep boop beep.
Quagmire (C-3PO): He says there are several creatures approaching from the southeast.
Cleveland (R2-D2): That's not what I said. I said there ain't a pack of menthols on this planet.

Quagmire (C3PO): Who would you rather do: Jabba the Hutt right after a shower, or a service droid?
Cleveland (R2-D2): My father was a service droid!

You can kiss the lower part of the back of the canister that is my body!

You still got that bag I gave you? It's gonna be a long ride.

</i> Cleveland (R2-D2)

Lois (Princess Leia): Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope. All right, now what do I click?
Cleveland (R2-D2): Click "Preferences".
Lois (Princess Leia): OK, I've clicked "Preferences".
Cleveland (R2-D2): Now go to "Default Media Browser".
Lois (Princess Leia): OK...there's a little hourglass and it's...it's not letting me do anything. It...it says "Buffering", what is that?
Cleveland (R2-D2): Just give it a minute.
Lois (Princess Leia): All I'm trying to do is make an MPEG!
Cleveland (R2-D2): All I'm trying to do is tell you to wait a minute!
Lois (Princess Leia): OK, relax.
Cleveland (R2-D2): Now click "Import Video File".
Lois (Princess Leia): All right. It's...it's telling me I have to download Real Player 7.
Cleveland (R2-D2): You know what? I'll just bring it to him myself.

Cleveland: Hey Quagmire, how was your date last night?
Quagmire: Cleveland, it was amazing. You know what I discovered last night? Women have a fourth hole.
Joe: What?
Quagmire: Yeah, I mean it's only visible if you're looking from exactly the right angle, like the entrance to Hogwarts. But ya gotta believe that it's there.
Peter: Man, I envy you single guys. No families, partying whenever you want. These are the only people I get to party with. (holds out his wallet, with a picture of the kids)
Quagmire: (Pointing to Meg) Oh, that's where the fourth hole is, right there. Right there in the back of the knee.

Cleveland: Boy, this election's gonna be a tight one.
Quagmire: Probably gonna be decided by just a couple of votes.
Peter: And here we are sitting here like a bunch of lazy paraplegic cops.
Joe: Huh?
Peter: Oh, I'm sorry, Joe. It's just an expression.
Joe: Ah.

Cleveland: So how's the job hunt going?
Peter: It's awful Cleveland, Quagmire blew every gig we got him.
Quagmire: It's too bad, I really liked that job working on the Starship Enterprise. (Flashback to Quagmire on Starship Enterprise. He walks to Captain Kirk and whispers.) Dude, you got to introduce me to that black chick.

Peter: It's Cleveland I'm worried about.
Cleveland: (wearing a President Nixon mask) Peter, is this really necessary? I can't hardly see anything.
Golfers: Hey, look, it's President Nixon! (Cleveland takes off mask) No, wait, it's a black guy! (Cleveland puts mask back on) No, it's Nixon.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Meg: Do you like Coldplay?
Tobey: Am I a dull white guy? Yes, I like Coldplay!