Cosmo Kramer Quotes

Ray: Hey, hey, are you a cop?
Kramer: Yeah, I'm a cop, I'm a good cop, I'M A DAMN GOOD COP!

Just make love to that wall pervert.

Kramer: (shouting) And today's your lucky day, junior. Because I'm gonna let you off with just a warning! Any more of this criminal activity and you'll be sorry! You got me?
Ray: Got you? I don't know what the hell you're talking about!
Kramer: (slightly nervous) Good, good. Let's, uh, keep it that way.

I feel like I've had two lives. My pre-mousse, and now I begin my post-mousse.

Well, occasionally I like to help the humans.

Kramer: Tell me the truth: have you ever seen a better looking guy?
Jerry: Looks are so subjective.

One hundred percent cotton-Dockers. If they're not Dockers, they're just pants.

Jerry: Kramer, this is Donna.
Kramer: (snaps fingers) Cotton Dockers!

Kramer: You don't think I can do it.
Jerry: I know that you can't, and I'm positive that you won't.

George: You can't have people shoving their arms into a 600 degree oven.
Kramer: It's all supervised!

Kramer: I said, "I know about the stuff," you know, so he'd take me into his confidence.
Elaine: What did he say?
Kramer: "What stuff?"
Jerry: Oh, case closed.

Kramer: How can you not have insurance?
Jerry: Because I spent my money on the Clapco 8000. It's the most powerful lock they make. It has only one design flaw...the door...MUST BE CLOSED!!

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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