Cosmo Kramer Quotes

Cable boy. Cable boy. What have you done to my little cable boy?

(to Jerry) I'm offering you 53 channels, movies, sports, nudity, and it's free for life!

Man, it's the ninetiesit's Hammer time!

Kramer: What are you guys going to do today?Elaine: This... and that.Jerry: And the other!

(to Jerry and Elaine) Boy, I liked you so much better when you weren't a couple.

Boy, they've got a great cafeteria downstairs. Hot food, sandwiches, a salad bar. It's like a Sizzler's opened up a hospital!

Jerry: Eckman? I thought he was doing time?
Kramer: No, no, he's out. He got out.

My name is Bob!

Jerry: My guys don't know your guys! You can't just lock 'em all in the same machine together! They'll start a riot!Kramer: Have you ever met my guys?Jerry: No, I can't say as I have.Kramer: We-ell!

  • Permalink: We-ell!
  • Added:

Newman: Kramer!
Kramer: Oh! That's Newman.
Newman: I'm on the roof!
Kramer: Well? What are you waiting for?
Kramer: You wanna shoot some pool tonight?
Newman: I can't, I'm goin' to the movies.

Kramer: Well Newman jumped last night.
Jerry: What? Did you talk to him? What did you say?
Kramer: I said 'Wave when you pass my window.'

(about a suicidal friend) What am I supposed to do? Tell him how much there is to live for? Why should I lie to the guy?

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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