Don't make me do it Cricket. I will slice you in half!

Frank: When it's white people, it's surviving. When it's black people, it's looting.
Dee: No Frank. It's because the white people are stealing bread and the black people are stealing speakers.

He was probably down here with Mac watching you rape girls and eating pickled eggs.

We gotta stop pussy-dicking around here. It's time to get in the bunker.

You are not eating a hoagie. You are just jamming meats and cheeses in your mouth.

Dee [to Frank]

Dee: I'm not scammin' the government if that's what you're saying.
IRS lady: Your license plate says SCAMMIN.

You guys all better eat a dick 'cause Sweet Dee beat the system.

Pop your teeth in!

Those mothers just left their kids here in a bar with complete strangers in a pageant that's under investigation.

It's a horrible town. It's a horrible town with horrible people.

Dee: I hate this town, Dennis, I hate this town.
Dennis: It's understandable. You are missing a piece of your scalp.

We're drinking tequila out of sunscreen bottles.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

I was a five star man before the internet and I’m a five star man now. I just gotta shed the dead weight. God damn it!

Dennis

Naked pics online? That's disgusting. On a website? There's so many of them though. Where? Which one?

Mac