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Dee: I'm not scammin' the government if that's what you're saying.
IRS lady: Your license plate says SCAMMIN.

You guys all better eat a dick 'cause Sweet Dee beat the system.

Pop your teeth in!

Those mothers just left their kids here in a bar with complete strangers in a pageant that's under investigation.

It's a horrible town. It's a horrible town with horrible people.

Dee: I hate this town, Dennis, I hate this town.
Dennis: It's understandable. You are missing a piece of your scalp.

We're drinking tequila out of sunscreen bottles.

You downed that bottle of schnapps like it was a soda pop.

Dee [to Roxy]

Charlie, stop wearing clothes you find washing up under bridges.

Dee: What if we took a "Pretty Woman" and threw it Roxy's way?
Frank: It was a bullsh*t movie. People don't change like that.
Mac: People change, Frank. Look at me. I went from a tiny twink to the muscle bound freak you see before you.
Dee: You're not helping my argument.
Dennis: Okay, yea. And if you're going to chime in please don't do it with a mouth full of burrito.
Mac: This is a chimichanga.
Dennis You are becoming a chimichanga!

Mac...you look bad. Really, really bad.

Dee: People are starting to notice.
Dennis: Of course they're starting to notice! There's a grown man crammed into a coach.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 114 in total

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It's Always Sunny Quotes

Principal: I'm a little confused, are you telling me this photo of Bruce Jenner is your resume?
Charlie: Well, when I showed up this morning I didn't have a formal resume on me so i was sort of hoping the photograph of Mr. Jenner could represent the standard of excellence I'm hoping to bring to his position.
Principal: And you're looking for a job as a substitute teacher?
Charlie: Substitute janitor.

Dennis: I am having feelings again. Like some kind of fourteen year old kid. You remember, feelings right?
Mac: Yeah. I have feelings every single day of my life.
Dennis: Do you?
Mac: Are you saying you don't have feelings?
Dennis: What I'm saying is a built up a shell.. a shell around myself. A cold, calculated shell that couldn't be broken by anything but marriage.

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