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Charlie: You want to toss some inspiration my way? Cause the guys think Schmitty is all that and I'm no good.
Dee: Okay, Charlie, how about this? You are really good at cleaning shit out of toilets, and taking trash and throwing it into dumpsters. So why don't you get a new job somewhere else doing those things and make friends there?
Charlie: Are you telling me to get a job here as the janitor and you and I can be best friends?
Dee: That is absolutely not what I'm saying.
Charlie: I'm gonna go talk to the principal and see if I can get that job and then we'll work on the friendship thing.
- Permalink: You want to toss some inspiration my way? Cause the guys think ...
Dee: Where's that inspirational man?
Teacher: My enthusiasm in those days was fueled entirely by the alcohol.
- Permalink: Where's that inspirational man? My enthusiasm in those days wa...
Dee: So I shouldn't give up on my dream?
Teacher: You must give up on your dream, it's far too late for you.
- Permalink: So I shouldn't give up on my dream? You must give up on your d...
And the second great thing for you is I'm not gonna beat the shit out of you.
- Permalink: And the second great thing for you is I'm not gonna beat the s**...
Dennis: It's fatness, plain and simple. It's a person becoming fat before your very eyes.
Charlie: And I don't even know how to make the bird jokes anymore. They no longer apply.
Dee: I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!
Mac: I feel like you say that all the time now.
Frank: You better do yourself a favor and flush it out.
Charlie: Wait a second, you definitely said that before.
Mac: Since we're all saying things we say all the time. I'll just reiterate. Dee, we don't care about you, or your body, or that baby bird.
- Permalink: It's fatness, plain and simple. It's a person becoming fat befo...
Dee: Just so I'm clear, you don't actually think things are going to come alive because you're spending the night in museum, right?
Dennis: I'm sorry, we're simply opening ourselves up to the possibility of an amazing adventure this evening. Is there something wrong with that? Whether that means Charlie running into his ancient spirits or us running away from security guards all night, it's gonna be a really great time.
- Permalink: Just so I'm clear, you don't actually think things are going to ...
Dee: I bet you don't even have any black people here.
Pool Guy: Excuse me, ma'am, but there's an African American family right there.
Dee: Well good for you. You keep a couple token ones around. Do you parade them around like a couple dancing monkeys?
- Permalink: I bet you don't even have any black people here. Excuse me, ma...
Dennis: You're born into class. It's about pedigree. It's about upbringing. It has nothing to do with your present circumstance.
Dee: See, Dennis and I were born upper class. Therefore, we currently are and will forever remain upper class. Frank, stop picking your teeth for one second and back us up here.
- Permalink: You're born into class. It's about pedigree. It's about upbrin...
You should take your powerful extension cord argument straight to the Supreme Court.
- Permalink: You should take your powerful extension cord argument straight t...
Dee: Where is your breath?
Charlie: In my mouth?
Dee: No, no. It starts in your chest. You got to focus on your diaphragm.
Charlie: What the hell's a diaphragm?
- Permalink: Where is your breath? In my mouth? No, no. It starts in your...
Dennis: Failure implies that she actually tried to be an actor.
Dee: Okay, I did try. It just didn't happen to work out.
Frank: It's not your fault, sweetie. You're just not pretty enough.
Dee: Oh, thank you. That's my dad, everybody.
- Permalink: Failure implies that she actually tried to be an actor. Okay, ...
Dee: I am not a failure!
Mac: Dennis, what is it that you call it when somebody tries to do something but doesn't succeed?
Dennis: Uh, that would in fact be a failure.
- Permalink: I am not a failure! Dennis, what is it that you call it when s...