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I'm going to wait right here and wait for my minions to swarm me.

I don't want to talk to old men who are pretending to be women and ex-wives.

Dennis: A dead tooth.
Maureen: With a diamond in it.
Dennis: Put a diamond in anything that's dead and it's still dead.

Do not talk to me for the rest of the night and know that I won't be talking to you because you lower my stock.

Brad Fisher: It's not acne. It's hornet scars.
Dennis: I don't think I have any products that take care of hornet scars.

Dee: Baby got back.
Dennis: Sir Mix-A-Lot was not talking about women whose backs have recovered from horrific spinal disorders.

Propel me back into the mid-'90s when Dennis Reynolds was a golden god.

We don't know who you're talking about. I don't understand this tour.

Chinese tourist [referring to Frank]

The helmet is sweet as shit. It's very Thunder Gun.

Dude hangs dong.

Cop

Thunder Gun leaves no man behind!

I wanna see Charlie do his thing and he's good.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 168 in total

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It's Always Sunny Quotes

Principal: I'm a little confused, are you telling me this photo of Bruce Jenner is your resume?
Charlie: Well, when I showed up this morning I didn't have a formal resume on me so i was sort of hoping the photograph of Mr. Jenner could represent the standard of excellence I'm hoping to bring to his position.
Principal: And you're looking for a job as a substitute teacher?
Charlie: Substitute janitor.

Dennis: I am having feelings again. Like some kind of fourteen year old kid. You remember, feelings right?
Mac: Yeah. I have feelings every single day of my life.
Dennis: Do you?
Mac: Are you saying you don't have feelings?
Dennis: What I'm saying is a built up a shell.. a shell around myself. A cold, calculated shell that couldn't be broken by anything but marriage.

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