I was going to take you to an empty broom closet and (makes feral face) bang the shit out of you.

Dude, you're wearing makeup. And a girdle.

Christie [to Dennis]

Baby's got back, Christie. Baby's got back.

I'd rather get blasted in the balls by a battering ram than have to have a conversation with the guy.

I'm gonna bang Tom Murphy's black wife.

To think I was going to let you jack me off.

Adriano [to Dee]

I'm going to wait right here and wait for my minions to swarm me.

I don't want to talk to old men who are pretending to be women and ex-wives.

Dennis: A dead tooth.
Maureen: With a diamond in it.
Dennis: Put a diamond in anything that's dead and it's still dead.

Do not talk to me for the rest of the night and know that I won't be talking to you because you lower my stock.

Brad Fisher: It's not acne. It's hornet scars.
Dennis: I don't think I have any products that take care of hornet scars.

Dee: Baby got back.
Dennis: Sir Mix-A-Lot was not talking about women whose backs have recovered from horrific spinal disorders.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Principal: I'm a little confused, are you telling me this photo of Bruce Jenner is your resume?
Charlie: Well, when I showed up this morning I didn't have a formal resume on me so i was sort of hoping the photograph of Mr. Jenner could represent the standard of excellence I'm hoping to bring to his position.
Principal: And you're looking for a job as a substitute teacher?
Charlie: Substitute janitor.

Frank: When it's white people, it's surviving. When it's black people, it's looting.
Dee: No Frank. It's because the white people are stealing bread and the black people are stealing speakers.