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Dr. Park: I've tapped over 30 guys and never wanted to see them again. [long pause] I lived next to a Jewish frat.
House: We are wildly off track.

With great power, comes great micromanaging. And vests.

Well, Clyde, we got ourselves a good ol' fashioned cat fight.

She probably also believes that Salma Hayek's breasts are too big.

Adams: What happened to your eye?
House: I grabbed Park's ass.

I don't see creed, color, pulse.

Death is a consequence, not a symptom.

It's normal to be screwed up. It's not normal to romanticize it.

Patient: Now I have swollen ankles!
House: The medical term is cankles.

[To Foreman} That'd be redundant. I've got an angry black guy waiting for me to drop the soap right here.

[To a clinic patient] As much as I'd like to kill you, murder violates my parole.

[After describing Chase's upbringing] He's also dreamy, but that's not relevant now.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 552 in total

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.


House: Lift up your arms. You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater. You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
Jill: Illegal?
House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates...
House: (showing her sonogram) It has your eyes.