Dr. Park: I've tapped over 30 guys and never wanted to see them again. [long pause] I lived next to a Jewish frat.
House: We are wildly off track.

With great power, comes great micromanaging. And vests.

Well, Clyde, we got ourselves a good ol' fashioned cat fight.

She probably also believes that Salma Hayek's breasts are too big.

Adams: What happened to your eye?
House: I grabbed Park's ass.

I don't see creed, color, pulse.

Death is a consequence, not a symptom.

It's normal to be screwed up. It's not normal to romanticize it.

Patient: Now I have swollen ankles!
House: The medical term is cankles.

[To Foreman} That'd be redundant. I've got an angry black guy waiting for me to drop the soap right here.

[To a clinic patient] As much as I'd like to kill you, murder violates my parole.

[After describing Chase's upbringing] He's also dreamy, but that's not relevant now.

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.


You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or fire engine red. Really. The antibodies in yummy mummy only protect the kid for six months, which is why these companies think they can gouge you. They think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your kid alive. Want to change things? Prove them wrong. A few hundred parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die than cough up forty bucks for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop really fast.