The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Dr. Hibbert Quotes
Dr. Hibbert: Um, your wife agreed that I should break this to you.
Homer: No need, Doc. I can read Marge like a book. (Looks at Marge, who is very glum.)
Marge: Hmm.
Homer: Ooh, it's good news, isn't it?
Dr. Hibbert: You have twenty-four hours to live.
Homer: Twenty-four hours!
Dr. Hibbert: Well, twenty-two. I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long.
Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
Dr. Hibbert: The second is anger.
Homer: Why you little!
Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear?
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.
(Homer and Marge find out that they are pregnant)
Dr. Hibbert: Well, uh, Miss Bouvier, uh, I think we've found the reason you've been throwing up in the morning. (Reaches to shake Homer's hand.) Congratulations.
Homer: D'oh!
Hmm. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear he was trying to moon us.
Dr. Hibbert
Hibbert: I must warn you though, this procedure will cost you upwards of $30,000.
Homer: Aaarrrggh! (collapses)
Hibbert: I'm afraid it's now $40,000.
(While watching a glowing Homer behind an X-ray)
Dr. Hibbert: Now Mrs. Simpson, what you see here is the radioactive dye we injected into your husband's bloodstream.
Nurse: But doctor! I haven't injected the dye yet!
Dr. Hibbert: Dear lord...
Dr. Hibbert: Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo a coronary bypass operation.
Homer: Say it in English, Doc.
Dr. Hibbert: You're going to need open heart surgery.
Homer: Spare me your medical mumbo jumbo.
Dr. Hibbert: We're going to cut you open, and tinker with your ticker.
Homer: Could you dumb it down a shade?
Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. (classic laugh) April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.
Dr. Hibbert: Mind if I have a word with your wife?
Homer: As you wish. But look upon her not with lust. And do not send her friendly emails, that's how it begins.
Don't thank me - thank the knife!
Dr. Hibbert: Homer's illness is either caused by ingesting spoiled food, or some sort of voodoo curse.
Patty: (Holding a voodoo doll) Hey, we've just been working the eyes.
