Favorite Dwight Schrute Quotes
Dwight: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it.
Did I truck three hundred bails of hay to a parking lot to rectify some childhood disappointment? Yes.
Kevin will be eaten. Pam will be taken slave. Jim will be made a Warlord's jester. Meredith will be okay.
Michael: Dwight, what's your middle name?
Dwight: Danger.
Michael: Something with a 'K'.
Jim: It's Kurt. Wow, I'm so sad I know that.
Dwight: This is where you'll have your receiving line. Of course we'll clear out all the livestock and hay and such.
Andy: Hmm... mm, what's that smell?
Dwight: You're gonna need to be more specific.
Angela: Manure. Get rid of it.
Dwight: Manure covers up the smell of the slaughterhouse.
Angela: Do you have to slaughter on our wedding day?
Dwight: You wanna eat, don't you?
Bear my child. I wanna have a child for business reasons and I want you to be the mother. If you agree, say nothing. If you disagree, say anything.
Angela: Hey.
Dwight: Hey monkey.
Angela: Any problems?
Dwight: Well you left the TV on, and your cat is dead.
Angela: What!?
Dwight: Sparkles, the white one, is dead.
Angela: Sprinkles.
Dwight: That was the sick one, right?
Angela: Uh-huh. But I thought she had more time.
Dwight: No.
Angela: Did she look... When you saw her how was she looking?
Dwight: Really dead. Like a... just a dead cat.
Angela: [cries]
Dwight: So... Hey come on, don't be sad, just... OK... just. She's in a better place.
Angela: Alright.
Dwight: Actually the place that she's in is the freezer, because of the odor.
For several weeks, my Secret Santa has been giving me pieces of a machine that I've been attempting to assemble. I'm suspicious of this because I had the exact same idea ... for catching Osama bin Laden. I would simply send him a different piece each day. He would assemble it, only to find himself... IN JAIL!
[to Ryan] You have walked the long lonely walk of loneliness.
My diabolical plan has been put on hold for Christmas. My heart just melts when I hear the sound of children singing. [pauses] Ha! Not really. I'm just tired. Days are short ... I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed.
Dwight: Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned?
Jim: Andy, Dwight says welcome back and he could use a hug.
Dwight: Okay, tell him that that's not true.
Jim: Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks.
Dwight: Okay, no, Jim, tell him bears can climb faster than they can run. [Andy walks away] Jim! Tell him!
Jim: Andy... nah, he's too far.
Dwight: Damn you.
The only way to stop a bully is to stand up to him. Trust me - I've bullied a lot of people.
