Favorite Dwight Schrute Quotes
Everyday, for eight years, I have brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And everyday, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?
Dwight: Heyy! Jimmy, what's up?
Jim: Not much.
Dwight: Cool! Very cool. I bet if you tried, you could grow the best beard of anyone in this office!
Jim: Thanks Dwight.
Dwight: That laugh is so infectious!
Michael: Creepin' me out. I'm gonna go.
Dwight: I didn't mean any of those things I just said.
Jim: The raise isn't real.
Dwight: Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard.
I really like Andy these days. He's pretend and he does exactly what I tell him to.
Everyone follow me to the shelter. We have enough food for 14 days. After that, we have a very difficult conversation.
[to Ryan] You have walked the long lonely walk of loneliness.
I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted. I'm sorry, only part of me meant that... he'd probably end up a hero there anyway.
Dwight
Dwight: Number one: Inverted penis.
Meredith: Could you mean vagina? Because, if you do, I want that covered.
Dwight: I thought your vagina was removed during your hysterectomy.
Meredith: A uterus is different from a vagina. I still have a vagina.
Pam: That's weird, my breast pump's missing. [to Jim] Have you seen my breast pump?
Dwight: Okay, this is going to traumatize me a hell of a lot more than you believe me.
Pam: You know what Dwight? Let me just check the bathroom first, okay?
Dwight: Really? Fine. Let your breasts explode. Three squeezes, and I would drain you.
Pam: Mmmm.
Did I truck three hundred bails of hay to a parking lot to rectify some childhood disappointment? Yes.
Dwight: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it.
Michael: Dwight, what's your middle name?
Dwight: Danger.
Michael: Something with a 'K'.
Jim: It's Kurt. Wow, I'm so sad I know that.
