Popular Dwight Schrute Quotes
Dwight's Speech: BLOOD ALONE MOVES THE WHEELS OF HISTORY! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation - which everyone finds during the day - how long we have been striving for greatness? Not only the years we've been at war - the war of work - but from the moment as a child, when we realize that the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle, a never-ending fight, I say to you, and you will understand that it is a privilege to fight. WE ARE WARRIORS! Salesmen of Northeastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour. No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself! Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers, and door to door charlatans. This is our duty to change their perception. I say, salesman - and women - of the world... unite! We must never acquiesce, for it is together... TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL. WE MUST NEVER CEDE CONTROL OF THE MOTHERLAND...
Audience: ... FOR IT IS TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL!
Jim: Dwight, if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Dwight: I CAN travel anywhere, except Cuba, and I WILL travel to New Zealand and walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor and I will hike Mount Doom.
You are so lucky you don't have this problem Jim. What was the ninth place prize again, a loaf of bread?
Dwight
When I was in the 6th grade, I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I mispelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure.'
Dwight
[to Toby's daughter] Hello, tiny one. YOU ARE THE FUTURE!
Michael: You need someone in the middle to facilitate -
Jake: You're just a middleman.
Michael: I'm not just a middleman.
Melissa: Wait, why doesn't the manufacturer just sell the paper directly to people?
Michael: You are describing Office Depot. And they are kind of running us out of business.
Dwight: We have better service than they do!
Dwight: OK, that is not an eight-foot sub.
Delivery Boy: Uh, we don't make an eight-foot sub. This is eight one-foot subs.
Dwight: F.
Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
Dwight: It is 11:23 exactly, the exact moment you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal.
Dwight: OK. I'm going to have to search your car. Give me your keys.
Ryan: I am not giving you my keys.
Dwight: Don't make me do this the hard way.
Ryan: What's the hard way?
Dwight: I go down to the police station, on my lunch break. I tell a police officer (I know several) what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant. Once he has said warrant, he will drive over here and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him.
Ryan: Yeah, let's do it that way.
Creed: That is "Northern Lights". Cannabis indica.
Dwight: [sighs] No, it's marijuana.
Jim: Dwight, what are you doing?
Dwight: What?
Jim: What are you doing?
Dwight: Just clearing my desk. I can't concentrate.
Jim: It's not on your desk!
Dwight: It's overlapping. It's all spilling over the edge. One word, two syllables. Demarcation.
