The Office

Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 14)

Dwight: I'll tell you what happened to me. I didn't see my father for the first two years of my life. I thought my mother was my father, and my wet nurse was my mother.
Jim: Well that's a common mistake.
Dwight: Turned out fine for me. But Mose. Same story... Different. Ending.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: Ah, that baby is just discovering the whole wide world right now.
Jim: It's pretty amazing.
Dwight: What up is, what down is, who mom is. Who dad is. It must be tough being here with all that going on.
Jim: Oh it's tough being here for a lot of reasons.
Dwight: I mean, you're here at work, the baby thinks that the refrigerator is its father.
Jim: Is that what happened to you?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass have been away on maternity leave. But now Tweedle Dumbass is back and we have a problem. Yes, getting hooked on Megadesk was my own damn fault. But [sighs] I don't care about assigning blame. All I care about, is Megadesk. That is all I care about. Getting. More. Megadesk.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Dwight: They say, that no man is an island. False. I am an island. And this island, is volcanic. And it is about to erupt, with the molten hot lava... of strategy.
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Dwight: I know that I'm an adult, but maybe I could come by some time for a teeth-cleaning.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: I love escorting people... I put an ad out for an escort service and got A LOT of responses. Mostly creeps. Made a few friends.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight [to Angela]: Bear my child. I wanna have a child for business reasons and I want you to be the mother. If you agree, say nothing. If you disagree, say anything.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: I'm been noticing a gaping hole in my life. Sometimes, I wake up cradling a gourd.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: You cannot exploit your baby for sales.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ryan: Did you see Saw?
Dwight: Of course I seesaw, Mose and I seesaw all the time.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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