The Office

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Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 16)

Season 6, Episode 12: "Scott's Tots"

Ryan: Okay. So, um. Listen. I know about your diabolical plan.
Dwight: What?! "Diabolical plan?" I wouldn't even know how to begin-
Ryan: [holds up My Diabolical Plan by Dwight K. Schrute] I found a copy of it in the copier tray.
Dwight: So what do you want.
Ryan: I want the same thing you want. I want to take Jim Halpert down. I want in.
• Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Dwight: Also, this should be accompanied by a monetary prize.
Jim: Well, in an ideal world-
Dwight: In an ideal world I would have all 10 fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 6, Episode 11: "Shareholder Meeting"

Pam: Don't do the twirl.
Phyllis: Lose the twril.
Dwight: Twirl sucks!
Kevin: Michael, I hated the twirl.
Andy: Hate the twirl!
Michael: Okay, obviously I'm not going to do the twirl. I only did it because I nailed the wave.
Phyllis: Yeah, good. Don't do it.
• Rating: Unrated

Dwight: What kind of mileage does this baby get?
Erin: It's like what high school kids take to prom on TV shows.
Oscar: So typical of management to spend money on this. Ugh, what a bunch of boobs.
Michael: Hate to break it to you Oscar, but some of us like boobs.
Dwight: Calves. Calves all the way.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Oscar: I just want to take this stupid board of directors by their necks. This. Is. So. Simple!
Andy: Yeah. Well you should do that. Get in line.
Oscar: Oh what a great idea, and lose my job. No thank you.
Andy: Look. Do you want to be able to tell your grandkids you stood up for yourself, during America's biggest financial crisis?
Dwight: How is he going to have grandkids.
• Rating: Unrated

Dwight: I was hoping to lob Michael a softball question early. I wanted to swing by the garment district; pick up a few crates of my shirts. I got a shirt guy.
• Rating: Unrated

Michael: I wish the windows weren't tinted so people could see us in here.
Andy: Hey you guys do you think anyone might have had sex in here?
Dwight: Definitely, definitely! Smells like it!
• Rating: Unrated

Andy: Michael, what if somebody asks you a question at this meeting? Are you just going to wave or what-
Michael: I will have to answer!
Dwight: I'll ask you a question!
Andy: Make it a softball. Something he can, like, crank out of the park.
Dwight: "Michael Scott, you run the most profitable branch of Dunder Mifflin. How do you do it?"
Michael: No! No! That's too hard. Say! "Your name is Zamboni." And then I will say, "Well! We're sort of on thin ice."
Andy: Heyyy-yo!!!!
• Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Dwight Schrute, Scranton branch. I just wanted to say that I have been standing in this line all day. And if this line, is any indication of how this company is being run, then we are in BIG trouble! [applause] Thank you! Right, I know! And I just want to say that I believe there are options out there! A take a number option, like they have in a deli. [silence] What about line varieties? Like an express line, for quick comments, ten words or less. They could move, MUCH more efficiently. [silence] What about ropes, along the lines that you can hold on to?
CEO: Thank you. Thank you for your suggestions.
Dwight: Yes.
• Rating: Unrated