Favorite Edie Britt Quotes
Edie: I don't think Mike would do that to his own son.
Susan: You know?
Edie: That Mike's Zach's real father? Yes. Julie told Karl, Karl told me and I sent out a few e-mails.
Susan: Well, thanks for your discretion.
Edie: Boy. You would do anything to get Mike Delfino to love you. So what's gonna happen to little creepy when he gets here? Are you gonna be tucking him in at night? Making him breakfast in the morning? Careful to bob and weave as he tries to blow your head off?
Susan: You know, Edie, could you just back off? I mean the truth is we're probably never gonna find Zach, anyway. It's a needle in a haystack.
Edie: Oh, I see, and then you'll still come off as little Miss Perfect self-sacrificing girlfriend. Putting his needs ahead of yours. Oh, why you conniving little shrew. I don't know why we're not closer.
(To Susan about Zach) So what's going to happen to little creepy when he gets here?
Bree: Well, I have some good news. The police have finally released Rex's body.
Gabrielle: About time.
Susan: You must be so relieved.
Bree: You know, mostly I'm just annoyed that the whole thing happened in the first place. I mean, how in the world could anybody accuse me of murder?
Edie: Well, you are wound pretty tight. (everyone looks at her) What? The supermom is always first to snap. They've done studies.
Paul: Look, I just want to move this place fast. I'll do whatever we have to do.
Edie: Well, that's good to know. You do realize that you're going to have to disclose the fact that your wife killed herself in the house.
Paul: I am?
Edie: Oh, yeah. Legal crap. You know, people get really freaked out by suicides. You can't blame them. Hell, I get the willies just standing here.
Paul: Is there any way to get around it?
Edie: Off the record? You could say that she shot herself in the living room, and then crawled out back to die
(to Betty about the mailman) Well, he was great, but then he had this stroke, and now we're lucky if he doesn't drool all over the coupons.
Ida: What's going on?
Edie: Oh, Mayer thinks Paul Young murdered Martha Huber.
Ida: Oh my God, I live right behind him.
Alberta: I know, I gave him my keys so he could feed my cat.
(pause)
Edie: I win. I made out with him.
Susan: Edie, what are you doing?
Edie: You are a lying liar.
Susan: We're in the middle of the street. Would you get out of here?
Edie: Karl never said that!
Susan: Okay, Karl asked me to get back together the day after Julie's birthday. I said no, which I'm guessing is the reason for the now legendary tequila bra-popping incident. Please let go.
Edie: Oh, no. We're not finished here.
Susan: Well, yes, we are. I'm gonna go.
Edie: You don't have the guts.
Susan: In five seconds, I'm gonna punch it.
Edie: (holds up a set of keys) Yeah? I'll key your car!
Susan: Not if you're sucking my exhaust, you won't.
Edie: Take back what you said!
Susan: No, I won't!
Edie: Admit it, you'd do anything to destroy my happiness!
Susan: Edie, for God's sake. Why would I care if you end up with a man I despise?
Edie: 'Cause you and Mike are finished. Yeah, word's out. And now that you can't be happy, you don't want anyone else to be, period.
Edie: You said you two were finished. You thought he was a murderer.
Susan: And that was your cue to come over and flirt?! You wasted your time... and your doughnuts.
Edie: Not if you choke on them
Edie: You know, I can only imagine how worried you must be.
Felicia: I'm not worried, Edie. Martha and I had a very intense bond. We were connected at the most primal level, and a few days ago, I felt this sensation in my soul. That's when it first dawned on me that something had happened to my sister. And when she didn't arrive at my home as scheduled, well, that's when I knew she was dead.
Edie: Oh, honey, no! You mustn't think like that! Martha's only missing!
Felicia: No, Edie, she's dead. But she's my sister, and I'm going to find out exactly what happened to her.
Edie: Look, Felicia, it's natural to freak out when a loved one is missing.
Felicia: Loved one? Oh, Edie, let me be clear about this. I hated Martha. She was a wretched pig of a woman and the day she died, this world became a better place
Edie: For the record, I was rooting for you to land him.
Susan: And why would you root for me?
Edie: Well, I figured it would be easier for me to steal Mike from you than her - she seems like fun!
You could have an affair with anyone and you choose the pharmacist? You are such a Republican
