Favorite Edie Britt Quotes
Mary Alice: (opening voiceover) It is often said that confession is good for the soul. No one knew this better than a certain blonde who had been confessing her sins to Father O'Malley once a week since she was a child. As the years had passed, much to Father O'Malley's dismay, a theme began to emerge...
(Flashback: Edie is in the confessional.)
Edie: I seduced the cable guy again.
(Flashback: Edie is in the confessional.)
Edie: I'm having an affair with a folk singing duo.
(Flashback: Edie is in the confesional.)
Edie: Last week I let Rabbi Lipman get to third base.
Mary Alice: And once she had been forgiven, Father O'Malley would tell Edie Britt to go out into the world and sin no more. Unfortunately for Edie, temptation seemed to be...
(Present: Edie walks into Mike's hospital room.)
Edie: Hello there.
Mary Alice: ...everywhere.
Mike: Edie, what were we like together, before the accident?
Edie: What do you mean?
Mike: You know, were we close?
Edie: Honestly? We lived about fifteen feet from each other, and you barely knew that I existed.
Mike: Seriously?
Edie: Mm-hmm. It's true. I mean, you weren't rude or anything. We'd wave or exchange hellos as we went to get our mail, but you never really looked at me. Not really. I, I was just another neighbor to you.
Mike: But if we weren't friends, then why are you here every day helping me?
Edie: Because from the first moment I laid eyes on you, I sort of fell in love with you.
Mike: Oh.
Edie: Yeah. And I'm not telling you this because I expect anything, so you can just relax, OK?
Mike: OK.
Edie: But when you do come back home, and we do run into each other when we're getting our mail, I'd really appreciate it if you'd just look at me. That's all.
Mike: I'm looking at you now.
(He pulls her toward him and they begin to kiss.)
Harvey: Carolyn, honey, it's me. Harvey. Look, I'm really sorry, what I did was wrong, but I still love you a lot.
Carolyn (eating cookies): Cut the crap. I had my hair done this morning, did you notice, huh, you even notice?
Harvey: I was distracted... you were shooting at me.
Edie: Tell her to let the kids go.
Carolyn: Who the hell was that?! You got a woman in there?
Harvey: She's a customer!
Carolyn: Don't lie to me, Harvey, she is another one of your whores, isn't she?!
Edie: Oh, fantastic!
Harvey: Carolyn, I swear...
Carolyn: I hope you're having a good time in there whore, because I got a bullet for you too!
Edie: (to Harvey Bigsby about the shoplifting) Look, make him work it off. You get a free stock boy for a month!
Austin: A month? It's a 10 dollar bottle of whiskey!
Edie: Exactly! You weren't even smart enought to steal the good stuff!
Edie: Oh my god! Austin's there. And Julie. Get your ass out there before someone gets hurt!
Harvey: What am I, a moron? She'll shoot me.
Edie: She has got 10 innocent people out there. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team.
Susan: (talking about Julie and Austin) Are you crazy? If we don't do something those two could end up having sex.
Edie: Could?
Susan: Oh my God! You don't...
Edie: I've got a box of condoms in my dresser. Eleven are gone. I can only account for eight of them.
You know, it just occurred to me, there's no point in paying the cable bill if you're not gonna have electricity. So I'm thinking pay the electricity upfront and...
(Edie is showing Bree, Orson and Gloria a cheap house.)
Edie: Let's try to be positive people! It's a fabulous location and just walking distance from all sorts of fun shops.
Bree: Right! From here I can see a bail bonds man and an adult book shop!
(Edie and Mike talk through the bars of his cell.)
Mike: I'm gonna need a good lawyer. And that may take a little research.
Edie: Uh huh.
Mike: And whoever takes my case will need a retainer. So if you don't mind, I promise I'll pay you back.
Edie: Oh, okay.
Mike: And make sure he knows about my wrench. Apparently, they tested it and found traces of Monique's blood. What's wrong?
Edie: I don't know if you picked up on this, Mike, but...I haven't been happy.
Mike: No, I didn't pick up on it.
Edie: Well, I wanted to tell you this weeks ago, and I wish that I had, because now I know you're gonna think that I'm breaking up with you over this whole blood on the ax thing.
Mike: Wrench.
Edie: Whatever. But believe me, that's not it. It's just...we are moving too fast.
Mike: What are you trying to say?
Edie: Well, maybe we should just take a break. You know, date other people.
Mike: You're telling me this on the day I'm put in a men's prison?
Edie: Well, I said the timing was bad. I am sorry. I, I really am. I just can't do this.
The responsible thing is to abstain from sex and focus on your studies. There, I said it out loud just in case anybody asks.
Bree: Well, I'm sure that she must have lots of other houses to show you.
Edie: Nope, Alma took one look at the Applewhite house and "BAM" it was love at first sight.
Bree: What?
Alma: We're going to be neighbors!
Bree: No! (pause) I mean, I mean, no. Alma, you can't buy this house!
Alma: Why not?
Bree: Well, are you aware of its history? The previous owner was harboring a murderer.
Edie: It was her son. And say what you like, she was a great mom.
Bree: They had a dungeon in the basement! And people say they still hear groans coming from the house at night.
Edie: (quietly, to Bree's ear) There's going to be groans coming from your house if you don't zip it!
Well I'm sorry I've never been good at getting people not to have sex!
