(to Jerry) Just when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool.

Elaine: Come on. Don't you think they seem a bit too perfect?Jerry: Yes they do!

Old Lady: What's bothering you? Is it my goiter?
Elaine: Goiter? What goiter?
Old Lady: This football shaped growth jutting out of my neck!
Elaine: Oh, noit's distinctive; as a matter of fact I wish I had one!

Elaine: You'd think they'd mention that before they send you over there: "Oh, by the way, this woman almost has a second head." But no, no, I didn't get any goiter information.

Why are my shoes a topic of conversation?

Elaine: Snapple?
Babu's Brother: No, too fruity.

Elaine: Who'd you punch?
Kramer: Mickey Mantle.

(about George) He thinks that if a woman sees a guy put on a better show, she'll walk out on his show and go see the other show.

The turbo quadramatic transmission offers you the power and prestige to propel you well into the twenty-first century.

Jerry: Hey, I've been back four days, I want my mail.
Elaine: It's mostly bills, magazines, and junk mail anyway.
Jerry: Elaine, that's what mail is. Without bills, magazines, and junk mail, there is no mail.

No, I don't want to go to a mini-plex multi-theater! It's not a theater, it's like a room where they bring in POW's to show them propaganda films.

George, you're sappin' my strength.

Seinfeld Quotes

I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate. I've got it all!

George

George: Why don't they have salsa on the table?
Jerry: What do you need salsa for?
George: Salsa is now the number one condiment in America.
Jerry: You know why? Because people like to say "salsa." "Excuse me, do you have any salsa?" We need more salsa." "Where's the salsa? No salsa?"
George: You know, it must be impossible for a Spanish person to order seltzer and not get salsa. "I wanted seltzer, not salsa!"
Jerry: "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?! You have the seltzer after the salsa!"