(to Jerry) Just when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool.

Elaine: Come on. Don't you think they seem a bit too perfect?Jerry: Yes they do!

Old Lady: What's bothering you? Is it my goiter?
Elaine: Goiter? What goiter?
Old Lady: This football shaped growth jutting out of my neck!
Elaine: Oh, noit's distinctive; as a matter of fact I wish I had one!

Elaine: You'd think they'd mention that before they send you over there: "Oh, by the way, this woman almost has a second head." But no, no, I didn't get any goiter information.

Why are my shoes a topic of conversation?

Elaine: Snapple?
Babu's Brother: No, too fruity.

Elaine: Who'd you punch?
Kramer: Mickey Mantle.

(about George) He thinks that if a woman sees a guy put on a better show, she'll walk out on his show and go see the other show.

The turbo quadramatic transmission offers you the power and prestige to propel you well into the twenty-first century.

Jerry: Hey, I've been back four days, I want my mail.
Elaine: It's mostly bills, magazines, and junk mail anyway.
Jerry: Elaine, that's what mail is. Without bills, magazines, and junk mail, there is no mail.

No, I don't want to go to a mini-plex multi-theater! It's not a theater, it's like a room where they bring in POW's to show them propaganda films.

George, you're sappin' my strength.

Seinfeld Quotes

George: I like sports. I could do something in sports.
Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?
George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, that - that could be tough to get.
George: Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a colour man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.
George: Well, that's really not fair.
Jerry: I know. Well, okay. Okay. What else do you like?
George: Movies. I like to watch movies.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah.
George: Do they pay people to watch movies?
Jerry: Projectionists.
George: That's true.
Jerry: But you gotta know how to work the projector.
George: Right.
Jerry: And it's probably a union thing.
George: (scoffs) Those unions. (sighs) Okay. Sports, movies what about a talk show host?
Jerry: Talk show host. That's good.
George: I think I'd be good at that. I talk to people all the time. Someone even told me once they thought I'd be a good talk show host.
Jerry: Really?
George: Yeah. A couple of people. I don't get that, though. Where do you start?
Jerry: Well, that's where it gets tricky.
George: You can't just walk into a building and say "I wanna be a talk show host".
Jerry: I wouldn't think so.
George: It's all politics.
Jerry: All right, okay. Sports, movies, talk show host. What else?
George: This could have been a huge mistake.
Jerry: Well, it doesn't sound like you completely thought this through.

Punk Dude: Hey Kramer, have you ever killed a man?!
Kramer: What do you think Junior? You think these hands - they've been soaking in Ivory Liquid?