Elaine Benes Quotes

Elaine: Come on. Don't you think they seem a bit too perfect?Jerry: Yes they do!

You know, uh... They're fake.

Elaine: You'd think they'd mention that before they send you over there: "Oh, by the way, this woman almost has a second head." But no, no, I didn't get any goiter information.

Old Lady: What's bothering you? Is it my goiter?
Elaine: Goiter? What goiter?
Old Lady: This football shaped growth jutting out of my neck!
Elaine: Oh, noit's distinctive; as a matter of fact I wish I had one!

Why are my shoes a topic of conversation?

Elaine: Who'd you punch?
Kramer: Mickey Mantle.

Jerry: Hey, I've been back four days, I want my mail.
Elaine: It's mostly bills, magazines, and junk mail anyway.
Jerry: Elaine, that's what mail is. Without bills, magazines, and junk mail, there is no mail.

(about George) He thinks that if a woman sees a guy put on a better show, she'll walk out on his show and go see the other show.

The turbo quadramatic transmission offers you the power and prestige to propel you well into the twenty-first century.

Elaine: Snapple?
Babu's Brother: No, too fruity.

No, I don't want to go to a mini-plex multi-theater! It's not a theater, it's like a room where they bring in POW's to show them propaganda films.

Men can sit through the most pointless, boring movie if there's even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off.

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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