I really like it when you crack the fiscal rip. As it were. I think it's sexy.

Whoa, I'm a little offended right now that you're not cursing at me---in Italian.

So when's the wedding Henry? And am I even invited?

Do you ever use an accent when you're speaking?

Evan: Come on, Bro! Just give me the Cliffs Notes.
Hank: The Cliffs Notes just aren't available on this one right now!

Well I'm sorry, then you're fired.

Alright, you're not an alien.

We aren't gonna live on Saturn?

Paige

Fido and Payload, sitting in a tree...

Or were you just a little hefty?

Evan: So he's like Santa?
Paige: Yes, but instead of going down a chimney, he smells like one.

Evan: Did you get a DUI? Are you under house arrest?
Hank: NO...

Royal Pains Quotes

Stupid body!

Evan

Evan: I'm just gonna say this fast so we can get it over with: you're on it.