George Costanza Quotes

So, we start to fool around and I begin to perceive this impending intestinal requirement whose needs are going to surpass by great length anything in the sexual realm.

The only excuse she might possibly have accepted is if I told her I am in reality Batman, and I'm very sorry I just saw the Bat-signal!

(After the restaurant owner makes George miss Tatiana's phone call.)
George: She called. He yelled 'Cartwright'. I missed her.
Jerry: Who's Cartwright?
George: (pause)...I'm Cartwright.
Jerry: You're not Cartwright.
George: OF COURSE I'M NOT CARTWRIGHT!

George: If anything happens here can I count on you?
Jerry: What?
George: If we decide to go at it.
Jerry: Yeah, I want to get into a rumble.

She doesn't deserve a baby shower. She deserves a baby monsoon. She deserves Rosemary's Baby.

Every woman on the face of the Earth has complete control of my life and yet, I want them all. Is that irony?

George: Someday, before I die, mark my words I'm gonna tell that woman exactly what I think of her. I'll never be able to forgive myself until I do.
Jerry: And if you do?
George: I still won't be able to forgive myself, but at least it won't be about this.

You ask me to have lunch, tell me you slept with Elaine, and then say you're not in the mood for details. Now you listen to me. I want details and I want them right now. I don't have a job, I have no place to go. You're not in the mood? Well you get in the mood!

You know I gotta tell you. These are really bad details.

George: Bust of Nelson Rockefeller?Jerry: Too gubernatorial.

George: What's up with you?Jerry: Nothing much. I slept with Elaine last night.
George: Oxygen! I need some oxygen! This is major!

Jerry: (about Elaine's birthday) What did you end up getting her?
George: (irritated) $91.
Jerry: Yeah, sorry about that.

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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