George Costanza Quotes

George: One of those kids called me a "Mary."Elaine: A what?George: I was jumping over a puddle and for some reason I went like this. They called me a "Mary." So I chased them, and I tripped and I fell.

I've always been a stall man.

Pam: I hope you're both happy.
Jerry: I'm not happy.
George: Me neither. I've never been happy.
Jerry: I mean I'm happy sometimes, but not now.
George: In college, maybe. Those were fun times.
Jerry: Yeah, college was fun.

George: Men have been popping into my sexual fantasies. All of a sudden, I'll be in the middle.
Elaine: Of what? Oh.
George: And a guy will appear from out of nowhere. I say "Get out of here! What do you want? You don't belong here!"

George: (talking about getting a message from a man) What if it feels good?
Elaine: It's supposed to feel good.
George: I don't want it to feel good!

I can't get a massage from a man.

Raymond: (massaging George's hamstring) How did you do this?
George: (VERY tense) Do what?
Raymond: How did you hurt your hamstring?
George: (quickly) I dunno
Raymond: You don't know?
George: I dunno
Raymond: Okay, where did this happen?
George: (Quickly again) Korea.
Raymond: Korea?
George: Korea.
Raymond: You hurt yourself in Korea?
George: I dunno.

Jerry: Anywhere in the city?
George: Anywhere in the city - I'll tell you the best public toilet.
Jerry: Okay Fifty-fourth and Sixth?
George: Sperry Rand Building. 14th floor, Morgan Apparel. Mention my name - she'll give you the key.
Jerry: Alright Sixty-fifth and Tenth.
George: (Scoffs) Are you kidding? Lincoln Center. Alice Tully Hall, the Met. Magnificent facilities.

George: Yes, I'm expecting a call for Costanza.
Bruce: Yes, someone call. I say "Cartwright! Cartright!" but no one come and I hang up.

For fifty bucks? I'd stick my face in their soup and blow!

You're never gonna stop crime, we should at least be clean.

Elaine: I feel like just walking over to a table and taking food off of someone's plate.
Jerry: I'll tell you what. There's $50 in it for you if you do it.
George: $50? For $50, I'll put my face in their soup and blow!

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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