I'm an idiot? All anyone remembers from your argument is that you're in a wheelchair!

Quagmire: Is your baby pregnant?
Peter: I dunno, Lois is in charge of the kids.

Quagmire: Where do you get off?!
Stewie: Pretty much everywhere I hear. Fat man's right -- they're making this easy.

My misguided carnal instincts are the results of being raised by a sexual deviant.

Doctor: How do you feel?
Quagmire's Mom: Horny. Really horny. Could you put him back so I can push him out again?

I don't want to go to jail, but I really want to take credit.

Peter: Jesus, we're going to help you lose your virginity!
Quagmire: Oh god! I love sex!

Jesus: Uh hot ladies. Horny ones. Who, uh, sex on you.
Quagmire: What?
Jesus: Yeah, you know, they come back to your house and sit on your butt.

[meditating] I can be Giggity. I can be Goo.

Sonja: Giggity.
Quagmire: That's my word.

What a surprise, the mugger's never heard of Truman Capote.

Oh my god, he's really hurt bad - you're out of the baseline by the way you're out game's over - but oh my god, Horace is really hurt!

Family Guy Quotes

[when he has an orgasm with Carolyn] Wait. Wait! Wait!! OHHHH!!! And boom goes the dynamite.

Cleveland

Mr. Washee-Washee: I no have your shirt.
Peter: You yes have my shirt!
Peter: Fine, I go. But this no over! I take picture of Ang Lee
Mr . Washee-Washee: Good! He do too many white people movie anyway!
You no come back ever! I don't like you American. And all you American look alike!