I'm an idiot? All anyone remembers from your argument is that you're in a wheelchair!

Quagmire: Is your baby pregnant?
Peter: I dunno, Lois is in charge of the kids.

Quagmire: Where do you get off?!
Stewie: Pretty much everywhere I hear. Fat man's right -- they're making this easy.

My misguided carnal instincts are the results of being raised by a sexual deviant.

Doctor: How do you feel?
Quagmire's Mom: Horny. Really horny. Could you put him back so I can push him out again?

I don't want to go to jail, but I really want to take credit.

Peter: Jesus, we're going to help you lose your virginity!
Quagmire: Oh god! I love sex!

Jesus: Uh hot ladies. Horny ones. Who, uh, sex on you.
Quagmire: What?
Jesus: Yeah, you know, they come back to your house and sit on your butt.

[meditating] I can be Giggity. I can be Goo.

Sonja: Giggity.
Quagmire: That's my word.

What a surprise, the mugger's never heard of Truman Capote.

Oh my god, he's really hurt bad - you're out of the baseline by the way you're out game's over - but oh my god, Horace is really hurt!

Family Guy Quotes

Hey, its Thanksgiving. Shouldn't you be in Detroit losing a football game right about now.

Brian

Brian: What's on his arms?
Stewie: Those are waterwings. He was terrified of the water.