Oh, Brian's a complete dick, we all know that, but I think we're losing sight of the point that Bonnie's a weird slut who's always letting you know she's open for business.

I might need two weeks off from this friendship.

He's a baby who did a baby thing. Let's all calm down a little.

I was living the life, banging chicks and eating cabbage. You know.

This is more pussy than even I can handle.

Peter's a good friend. Not like Cleveland.

We're a team like fish and chips and fat guys.

If cellphones worked, every movie would be two minutes long.

How do you think NBA players get all those chicks? They're all great cooks. Except Kobe Bryant. His secret is different.

Ugggh! This tastes like Ani DiFranco after a bike ride!

Quagmire (referencing an awful Korean Taco)

I'm an idiot? All anyone remembers from your argument is that you're in a wheelchair!

Quagmire: Is your baby pregnant?
Peter: I dunno, Lois is in charge of the kids.

Family Guy Quotes

Aunt Margarite [on her video will]: Lois, you were always my favorite niece; I just knew you would find a wonderful man who would make all your dreams come true. But I was wrong.
Peter: And now you're dead. Score one for Peter

But now that you mention it, your face looks like a used condom.

Quagmire