He's a baby who did a baby thing. Let's all calm down a little.

I was living the life, banging chicks and eating cabbage. You know.

This is more pussy than even I can handle.

Peter's a good friend. Not like Cleveland.

We're a team like fish and chips and fat guys.

If cellphones worked, every movie would be two minutes long.

How do you think NBA players get all those chicks? They're all great cooks. Except Kobe Bryant. His secret is different.

Ugggh! This tastes like Ani DiFranco after a bike ride!

Quagmire (referencing an awful Korean Taco)

I'm an idiot? All anyone remembers from your argument is that you're in a wheelchair!

Quagmire: Is your baby pregnant?
Peter: I dunno, Lois is in charge of the kids.

Quagmire: Where do you get off?!
Stewie: Pretty much everywhere I hear. Fat man's right -- they're making this easy.

My misguided carnal instincts are the results of being raised by a sexual deviant.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Meg: Do you like Coldplay?
Tobey: Am I a dull white guy? Yes, I like Coldplay!