Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
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Quagmire: Hey slow down, drive like hell, you'll get there!
Peter: Quagmire, what the hell are you doing?
Quagmire: I'm letting all these hot rodders know this is a neighborhood, not a speedway track!

Joe: It feels good to know that thanks to me and my colleagues, a lot fewer people will be injecting cocaine into their penises tonight.
Peter: Is that a thing?
Quagmire: It's a great thing.

Hey kid, come here. I wanna see if I can still smell your mom's boobs on your mouth.

Peter: I mean, who says the body next to you has to be male or female? Or whatever!
Quagmire: Or alive!
Peter: Yeah! Well, no. But yeah!

Peter: "I'M Back Bush?"
Quagmire: "This can't be a surprise to you, Peter."
Peter: "Yea, I knew, I just didn't know you knew!"

Carter: "Hey Quandry."
Quagmire: "No, no it's Quagmire."

"O come on! They don't own French fries!"

Joe: "I know, an exciting day for me is when I watch wheelchair porn. Boy do sparks fly on those."
Quagmire: "Oh is it hot?"
Joe: "Eh, it's mostly chairs smashing into each other."

"Peaches, Ginger, Honey, Candy, Olive... oh you know what? This is the wrong journal..."

Meg: "Hey, when you get sexually abused in a coma, do you know it's happening and can't do anything about it, or do you just not know what's going on?"
Quagmire: "I also am curious about that."

Peter: Eddie Izard would be very discreet.
Quagmire: Well, there's your answer.

Peter: Whoa, what the hell are these? Hamsters?
Quagmire: They're adorable!

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 136 in total

Family Guy Quotes

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

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