Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBS
Cougar-town

Laurie: I have to admit last was pretty okay
Grayson: That's weird, during it you were vocal how good it was.
Laurie: Yeah, that's because it's not sex to moan, "oh this is okay."

Bobby: You get a tiny leak in a dam, you gotta plug it up real quick or you'll be in a car with no breaks traveling down trouble highway.
Grayson: Wait, is the highway flooded? Where is this dam? You are mixing metaphors like a crazy person.
Bobby: My mom says I'm colorful.

Laurie: I wish you could make it simpler.
Grayson: Donkey likes hybrids, health care and homosexuals and elephant likes God.
Laurie: I saw an elephant pray in the circus once.
Grayson: Wow, that's relevant.
Laurie: So both of our votes count the same, right?
Grayson: Yeah, it's a great system.
Laurie: I think it works.

Bobby: When I was married, you know what Jules said to me?
Grayson: Please stop sleeping with other women?

I say we act like men and bury it under a mountain of denial so deep that no one can make us believe it actually happened.

Grayson: So you're having the whole gang over turkey day, huh?
Jules: Well
Grayson: I don't really have any plans since my wife left and all our friends were pretty much her friends. And both my parents are dead....
Ellie: Did they die in the last six months?
Jules: No.
Ellie: Then who cares? Hand me my drink.

Grayson: Your mom said, "no girls."
Kylie: It's okay, I'll just get my stuff.
Travis: Do you know what her stuff is? It's flavored lip gloss and an over-sizes t-shirt for when she gets, quote, tired and snuggly.

Jules: Alright great the bet starts now
Bobby [entering]: J-bird!
Grayson: Wow, point five seconds. I just went twenty dollars
Bobby: Sounds like I was involved, want to go splitsies?

Grayson: You can't stand to be along for a second can you?
Jules: That is ridiculous
Grayson: So why did you go out with father time?
Jules: Because I am a history buff and I haven't been in a car with only a lap belt in a long time

Laurie: Hey Grayson, if you were at a BBQ playing drinking games with your buds would you chug a girls beer and hug her sweetly from behind without trying to cop a feel if you weren't in love with her?
Grayson: Please stop coming to my bar

Jules: Good morning! I've been up for hours
Grayson: I had eggs for breakfast
Jules: What?
Grayson: Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were sharing incredibly boring facts about each other

Jules: When a 40-something guy gets divorced, it's always: "Way to go, Tiger!"
Grayson: We don't call each other Tiger. It's always Champ, or Samurai.

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 108 in total
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