Cougar Town

Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBS
Cougar town
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Jules: I cannot wait for this bathroom to be done. In fact, put it in your calenders because I'm going to have a bathroom warming party.
Grayson: Can I bring Sarah to what sounds like the worst party ever?

Grayson: Oprah says talking on your cell while driving is crazy dangerous.
Travis: Does Oprah say anything about how lame it is for a grown ass man to watch Oprah?
Grayson: Nope, she loves us.

You pull any crap with her and you'll answer to me. You can lock your doors but I live right next to you, Tom. I'll just jump on the roof and come down your damn chimney. I won't be bring any presents. Not unless you've been saving for the heel of my boot.

Laurie: Well I have tons of guy friends.
Grayson: Have you slept with any of them?
Laurie: Yeah, I've slept with all of the them, but only as friends.

Grayson [referring to Bobby's toaster]: Does this work?
Bobby: It works as a container for envelopes and if you put it on a plate, it makes a good prop toaster

Jules: When you act like you don't want to talk to me, it just makes me want to talk to you even more.
Grayson: That may be the world's most annoying personality trait.

Grayson: Whoa, Andy, what's up?
Andy: I brought over pizza and beer.
Grayson: Why?
Andy: You know... I'm not sure.
Grayson: Okay, well, I have to go open up my restaurant, so...
Andy: I can't go home yet. They'll just make me come back.

Grayson: When women get older, it's icky. When men get older, it's adorable. It's my favorite double standard.
Jules: Yeah, I'm not a huge fan.

Oh god, I have heart burn in my brain.

Bobby: Come on man, it's time to start living like you have a mustache.
Grayson: Now that's gibberish.
Andy: No, it's not. It means I have to ask myself the ultimate question, what would Burt Reynolds do?

Grayson: I wish I had a time machine to undo... you.
Laurie: I would also use it to go back and tell my aunt not to give my cousin up for adoption. We're pretty sure she's Dakota Fanning.
Grayson: Yeah, she's not adopted.

Laurie: Don't look at me. I just can't take seeing you right now.
Grayson: Then it makes total sense to come to a bar I own.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 108 in total

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Grayson: Shall we?
Jules: Indeed!