Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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No way, she plays Lacrosse and plays the cello. Even my reputation can't take that dork hit.

Haley: What are my friends at school going to think?
Claire: They'll think you're helping your father put food on the table.

Kevin is biting his nails again and Rueben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week. Don't laugh. That's how Elvis died.


Haley: It doesn't matter! I'll go home with anyone!
Alex: That's what it should say on the van.

She had to take Alex to the oncologist... She needed new glasses.

Haley: Dad, gross, your hand smells like cheese.
Phil: I didn't want to dirty a knife.

I haven't been single since I was nine.

They called a family meeting when they switched to one percent milk.

I need her name and address so I can mess her up!

Haley: Dad, that was a stop sign.
Phil: I'll stop twice on the way back.

It's just a cold silly, you don't have to conceive of a world without me!

Do I know McKenzie? I was McKenzie. I invented McKenzie.

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