Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Kevin is biting his nails again and Rueben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week. Don't laugh. That's how Elvis died.

Manny

Haley: It doesn't matter! I'll go home with anyone!
Alex: That's what it should say on the van.

She had to take Alex to the oncologist... She needed new glasses.

Haley: Dad, gross, your hand smells like cheese.
Phil: I didn't want to dirty a knife.

I haven't been single since I was nine.

They called a family meeting when they switched to one percent milk.

I need her name and address so I can mess her up!

Haley: Dad, that was a stop sign.
Phil: I'll stop twice on the way back.

It's just a cold silly, you don't have to conceive of a world without me!

Do I know McKenzie? I was McKenzie. I invented McKenzie.

Claire: You're grounded for four weeks!
Haley: Why don't you just double it and make it 10?
Alex: Do you not see how much you need to study?!?

Claire: Quick, quick tell me something to say that will freak him out.
Haley: Tell him I'm pregnant!

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 98 in total

Modern Family Quotes

What could be more natural than your mother’s tongue in your ear?

Gloria

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke