Alex: Could you L a little less O L? Can't you see what I'm trying to do here?
Haley: Die alone?

Haley: I'm kind hungry mom.
Phil: Oh my god she's back!

Haley: If you do this you'll be a social piranha.
Alex: Yes, I'll be an Amazonian carnivorous fish.

Alex: Mahatma Gandhi went on a hunger strike to stand up for what he believed in.
Haley: That's because no one would eat with him in the cafeteria.

Don't feel. Just go splash water on your face and man up. We're your mother now.

No way, she plays Lacrosse and plays the cello. Even my reputation can't take that dork hit.

Haley: What are my friends at school going to think?
Claire: They'll think you're helping your father put food on the table.

Kevin is biting his nails again and Rueben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week. Don't laugh. That's how Elvis died.

Manny

Haley: It doesn't matter! I'll go home with anyone!
Alex: That's what it should say on the van.

She had to take Alex to the oncologist... She needed new glasses.

Haley: Dad, gross, your hand smells like cheese.
Phil: I didn't want to dirty a knife.

I haven't been single since I was nine.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me