Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family

Haley: Dad, gross, your hand smells like cheese.
Phil: I didn't want to dirty a knife.

I haven't been single since I was nine.

They called a family meeting when they switched to one percent milk.

I need her name and address so I can mess her up!

Haley: Dad, that was a stop sign.
Phil: I'll stop twice on the way back.

It's just a cold silly, you don't have to conceive of a world without me!

Do I know McKenzie? I was McKenzie. I invented McKenzie.

Claire: You're grounded for four weeks!
Haley: Why don't you just double it and make it 10?
Alex: Do you not see how much you need to study?!?

Claire: Quick, quick tell me something to say that will freak him out.
Haley: Tell him I'm pregnant!

Look at him getting coffee and not putting chocolate in it! He's so mature!

Phil: It's like a movie theater, library and a music store all rolled in to one... awesome pad.
Alex [to Haley]: A library is a place where people get books
Haley [to Alex]: A movie theater is a place where people go on dates.

Haley: Oh my God, gross, I can't even picture you with a woman.
Claire: Thank you.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 95 in total

Modern Family Quotes

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.


Just coffee for me today. Black. Like I feel on the inside.

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