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They called a family meeting when they switched to one percent milk.

I need her name and address so I can mess her up!

Haley: Dad, that was a stop sign.
Phil: I'll stop twice on the way back.

It's just a cold silly, you don't have to conceive of a world without me!

Do I know McKenzie? I was McKenzie. I invented McKenzie.

Claire: You're grounded for four weeks!
Haley: Why don't you just double it and make it 10?
Alex: Do you not see how much you need to study?!?

Claire: Quick, quick tell me something to say that will freak him out.
Haley: Tell him I'm pregnant!

Look at him getting coffee and not putting chocolate in it! He's so mature!

Phil: It's like a movie theater, library and a music store all rolled in to one... awesome pad.
Alex [to Haley]: A library is a place where people get books
Haley [to Alex]: A movie theater is a place where people go on dates.

Haley: Oh my God, gross, I can't even picture you with a woman.
Claire: Thank you.

Never getting my driver's license, or getting one and the picture sucks.

Alex: Haley, found your jacket.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 93 in total

Modern Family Quotes

Comfort is not everything. My toes have been numb since my Quinceanera.


You can’t do this. We’re a danger to ourselves. We’re a family of fire starters, poison eaters, and online prostitutes.