Last time I got drunk I ate all this brie and threw up on my cell phone.

Hannah: Okay that's Adam
Jessa: He does sort of look like the original man.

I'm letting you know that it is okay to act on this fantasy because I am gross and so are you.

It's like having a clit in your butt.

I didn't lose my job, I gave it away.

There are certain people who are meant to remain in your past. I made a mistake trying to repurpose you.

I could really be putting myself in a Ted Bundy situation. He also looked handsome, clean...and probably had a brownstone. Okay.

I'm an individual and I feel how I feel when I feel it.

What accents are you guys doing, because I don't like not getting jokes.

It's a Wednesday night baby and I'm alive!

Please don't tell anyone this, but I wanna be happy.

I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time, thinks I'm the best person in the world, and wants to have sex with only me.

Girls Quotes

Ok I think I got everything, testicles, spectacles, wallet, and watch.

Hannah

Jessa: It's pot, do you want some?
Shoshanna: Oh no, I'm hyper enough already.