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Jay: Don't most kids drink soda?
Manny: Who knows what they do?

She's always had a certain comfort level with... killing.

I'm lucky only one guy turned around.

I'm probably going to have a Latino kid carry my clubs anyway, might as well be you.

Was that before or after you were delivered to my door in a squad car wearing nothing but your underwear and a police hat.

I'm gonna go get a beer, beer, beer before I punch you in the head, head, head.

Don't be coy, what are you waiting for a box of chocolates? Let's do this!

That was my Vietnam - and I was in Vietnam.

The new maid keeps mixing up my underwear with Manny's. Put on the first thing I grabbed. It was like a crotch tourniquet.

I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up

I decided to get in better shape quick. Didn't want to end up like my old man. Although he did die doing what he loved - refusing service to hippies who came into his store.

Could you make it a double? I'm traveling with my family.

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 190 in total

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Modern Family Quotes

Phil: My wife is always so tired and she's always making lists of things for me to do.
Claire: Maybe if you did them she wouldn't be so tired.
Phil: Oh no, she could make lists for days.

I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy and I dare you to not like me.

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